does my essay fit the prompt?
The 18th century French philosopher Denis Diderot said, "Only passions, great passions can elevate the soul to great things." Describe one of your passions and reflect on how it has contributed to your personal growth.
Please help me with grammer errors and contents. I probably have many grammatical errors so you might have to concentrate to get the point.
I welcome any criticisms and feedbacks.
How does it feel like to give up what you really desired because of outside influence? Sometimes, having a passion is not enough to achieve your goals and dreams. I experienced it is a reckless challenge to go without an enthusiastic effort, time availability, and most importantly, the opportunity. Out of many passions inside of me, one that stands out the most is the school. The part of the future plan that I haven't accomplished due to a lack of opportunity factor gives me the greatest passion of all time.
Giving up scholastic achievement due to unexpected circumstances was a traumatic experience since I had a perfect attendance from five years of elementary school, three years of middle school, and four years of high school. In 1998, it was a typical issues within the foreign students including myself to give up their continuance of education due to the national economic crisis; it was evident that the most undesirable is the most inevitable. I could not do anything but obey the situation I was stuck with and watch myself running away from the dream that I chased, in order to survive. However, it came back at me as a regret. It is not easy to regret about something when you are in an extreme situations, but you begin to regret more and more when you start to live your life with little comfort of your own; I worked my butt off past 7 years to earn this. As I looked around, I found myself with a low self-esteem due to low waged work compensation compared to my graduated friends who have visions and pride with their jobs. 'Time waits for no one' popped up in my mind and I did not want to waste anymore time to tie myself from chasing for my dream. Opportunity is only given to whom that really wants and put great effort into it and I challenged myself to strive forward to achieve that opportunity.
In 2007, the institute that I chose to start over my new life was Fullerton College. Breaking out seven years of gap to continue my education was not fairly smooth, so I ended up to my limit, and faced other problems too. Even though, I earn little bit of comfort in my life that does not mean I could only concentrate on my education and forget everything else; therefore, I had to start work again few month after. I knew that working and attending school at same time is not something extraordinary, but I was little bit different. Or maybe I wanted to believe that I am little bit different than others. If I was to describe my past 18 month life in numbers I could say it is 7, 46, 3, and 100. Attending school on Monday through Thursday as a full time student, working 7 days a week for over 46 hours per week, stuck in the traffic for around 3 hours, and drive over 100 miles daily. Although, I lived in awfully busy life which reminds me that I have no life, I only had one thought and passion in my mind. Yes, it was USC. The goal it could fulfill my eager and hunger of my life, and the first step to my dream. It was extremely difficult to success in both school and work, but it gave me good lessons. First, it strengthen my responsibility; second, I learned and experienced not to give up in any circumstances and how to pass through it; last, it taught me how to manage my limited time. All of the above stated facts and hardships has played major role and contributed to both mental and physical growth, ultmately producing a being that I am now.
I am at an end of a chapter in my life and a new beginning is waiting patiently which will only begin by becoming a Trojan. University of Southern California has the incomparable reputation, best alumni connection, and raised many men of ability. My passion about school has given me the confidence and an attempt of new challenge to go one step forward to USC where it can help realize my dreams.
Nice, you made it seem like you were really passionate about getting into USC, and I wouldve liked to read more about how you " lived in awfully busy life which reminds me that I have no life"
maybe reword that so you can say, no matter how much I was going through, I never lost sight of my goal, my passion...
any other comments from anyone? I really need help on this
This whole first paragraph is unclear and confusing. You need a clear and focused beginning. You could sum up the first paragraph with the sentence, "Education is what I'm most passionate about."
Giving up scholastic achievement due to unexpected circumstances was a traumatic experience since I had a perfect attendance record from five years of elementary school, three years of middle school, and four years of high school.
In 1998, it was a typical issues within the foreign students including myself to give up their continuance of education due to the national economic crisis; it was evident that the most undesirable situationhad become inevitable.
I could not do anything about the situation I was stuck in and I had to set my dreams aside, in order to survive.
However, it came back at me as a regret. It is not easy to regret about something when you are in an extreme situation, but you begin to regret more and more when you start to live your life with little comfort of your own; I have worked my butt off for the past 7 years to earn this.
As I looked around, I found myself with a low self-esteem due to low paying jobs , compared to my friends who had graduated and had jobs they were proud of.
'Time waits for no one' popped up in my mind and I did not want to waste anymore time not chasing my dream. Opportunity is only given to who really wants and puts great effort into it. and I challenged myself to strive forward to achieve that opportunity.
Here are a few grammatical fixes, I hope they are helpful. The most important thing you have to do is make a strong statement, explain it, and state it again at the end.
How does it feel like to give up what you really desired because of outside influence? Sometimes, having a passion is not enough to achieve your goals and dreams. I experienced it is a reckless challenge to achieve goals without an enthusiastic effort, time availability, and most importantly, the opportunity. Out of many passions inside of me, education is what I'm most passionate about. The part of the life plan that I haven't accomplished due to a lack of opportunity factor gives me the greatest passion of all time.
Will this be okay then???
In my opinion, why don't you be more specific? For example, focus on your major. You really have passion for school, but is that Education major? As you know, some of the majors are very competitive in which USC has to consider seriously and harshly. Or maybe with the other prompts , they would ask you about this.
Everybody wants to have a decent education regardless of race, religion, wealth and country but what will set you apart from another applicant is your passion >> endeavor >> personal growth >> future ( what you will do ). I think you could extend the future based on your personal growth a little.
Your essay is a good story which meets the demand of detail.
One more thing, I also do not know how to fix it but your essay sounds a regret for you due to a gap of education. I mean , it could be better if you add something that will make readers excited and enthusiastic instead of just your great great effort ! I think the admission officers have read hundreds of these kinds of essays.
Hey, that is a really cool paragraph! Small changes though:
What should it feel like to ...
The part of the life plan that I have yet to accomplish (due to lack of opportunity) factor gives me the greatest passion of all time.
