How does USD stand out among all of the other colleges to which you are applying?
(What should I edit)
As I was researching universities in my Academic Enrichment class, USD caught my attention because of it's beautiful campus and it's location. The major thing that I noticed about this university that other colleges that I applied to lack is the variety and volume of opportunities, events, programs and clubs that this university has that will help me develop leadership skills and make a difference not only in the community but globally. One of these programs are the Summer Fellows Peacemaker. Your university also has religion-based programs like bible study groups and retreats at your university will help me grow and expand my christian faith. Your university also offers a program that really caught my attention which is community service learning. This program will help me contribute to the community through community service as part of a class coursework. Lastly, there is so many stuff to do for fun like going to the beach, mall, zoo, museums etc.
the main prompt is WHY DO YOU INTEREST TO STUDY IN USD?
and WHY DO NOT CHOOSE THE OTHER UNIVERSITIES?
overall, your reasons really, really not strong. why did i say like that? this is because your main purpose is not to study in USD, but you solely want to recreation. like your statement "This program will help me contribute to the community through community service as part of a class coursework. Lastly, there is so many stuff to do for fun like going to the beach, mall, zoo, museums etc" it means you focus on holiday.
firstly, you should explain why USD and not other universities. you can show the superiority of this university related to your subject. and how do you can develop your previous knowledge. and you did not show it, you showed the beautiful and the college's location.
secondly, what the correlation between university of San Diego and your subject that you want to choose. for instance, you background is computer programme. and as we know that this university is top 10 rank in the world about this subject.
and finally, please show your goals in the future related to your ambitions to entrance in USD. and how the USD can help you release your goals.
Daniel, your response to the prompt is too cut and dried. There is no personal connection nor true interest on your part that could explain your interest in attending the university. When you base your response upon research done in an Academic Enrichment class no less, you tell the reviewer that "Hey, I wasn't really looking for a university, I just happened to come across this and I thought I'd try it on for size." That is not the kind of image you want to share with the person assessing your qualifications to attend their university.
Do some personal research on the university instead. Add a personal voice. Don't say "Your university..." as it implies that you cannot see yourself as becoming a part of their community. Delve into the academic world, not just the extra curricular. What is it about their academic side that appeals to you? Talk about how their classes can inspire people, or their professors whom you are familiar with due to their accomplishments outside of the academic world so you hope to work with them. Those are some academic reasons that would make the university stand out for you.
Try to talk more about the Summer Fellows pacemaker activity and how you see yourself improving as a person because of your possible participation in it. Explain how the university mission and objectives make you want to become a better person so you would like to attend their university. Develop that personal connection and reasons for your desire to attend their university as the reason that this university in particular stands out in your opinion.