Hello. I'm doing my short answer for extracurricular activities and am wondering if the adcom's will mind if we use a fragment for dramatic effects. What do you all think? Here's part of the answer. The fragment's in the first sentence.
Authors, artists, composers, physics, geography, world history, mythology, technology, religion, biology, medicine, sports, world leaders, current events, and a multitude of other topics. A scholarly knowledge of these topics is imperative to the success of Scholastic Bowl teams. For four years I have been honing my knowledge on all of these topics. The practice has been intense, but it has lead us to the state competition for three years in a row.
yeah fragments are fine. i use a ton.
You listed WAY too many things in your first sentence. I would not recommend using a fragment. It can be interpreted as a weak control of the English language. There are many others methods that you can use for a dramatic effect.
Good luck!
I used a lot of things because I felt like they were all necessary for the reader's to understand what I go through.
I don't know...
I think that fragments are Ok, when it is obvious that they are there for EMPHASIS,
However, if not banish them!!!
Although you may feel it necessary, your first sentence should probably be shortened and infused with detail, too many people start out like this
Hope it helps
=]
Alright, how is it possible to shorten it, without losing the detail?
I have changed it to this:
A scholarly knowledge of everything from fine arts to physics and geography to athletes is imperative to the success of a Scholastic Bowl team. For four years I have constantly sharpened my skills in every subject matter I come in contact with, in hopes of not only adding to my team's success, but also of achieving my personal goal of becoming the most knowledgeable person that I can be. The learning has consumed a lot of my time and energy, but it has led our team to the state competition for three years in a row and to countless victories over other teams. I owe most of my knowledge and discipline to my coach, who has worked passionately to give me the best resources possible for success and reprimanded me when I have started to slack off.
