Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (100 word o fewer)
Even looking for explanation to the most trivial things, like the reason why the sound of my guitar strings is more acute when they are tightened, amuses me. It seems like everything can be explained with the use of Physics and Mathematics concepts. It is of my interest to be able to apply the knowledge I have on these fields to seek for solutions to the broadest and most pivotal issues the world is presently facing. Just thinking that many lives can be saved if the quality of infrastructures increases and if the construction of anti-seismic buildings came to shine inspires me.
I know that at MIT's Civil and Environmental Engineering Department, Course 1-C, my structural, computational, and engineering skills will be taken to new heights. Through extensive research in the so many labs found in this department, including the Parsons Laboratory of Environmental Engineering, and the complex team-oriented projects, my ability to come up with solutions to society's problems will develop drastically and my path to a better world will form.
Please check for redundancy, grammar, structure, smoothness, specificity, and goodness :P!!
Thanks i advance I really appreciate your time :) By the way is kind of long so please help me reduce it ><!
It's evident that more things are being explained through Physics and Mathematical concepts. My interest is to apply the knowledge I have in these fields to seek for solutions to the broadest and most pivotal issues facing the world presently. If the quality of infrastructure along with construction of anti-seismic buildings improves, many lives can be saved, and this evokes inspiration in me.
MIT's Civil and Environmental Engineering Department, Course 1-C, will take my structural, computational, and engineering skills to new heights. Through extensive research in the many labs in this department, including the Parsons Laboratory of Environmental Engineering, and the complex team-oriented projects, my ability to think of solutions to society's problems will develop drastically. And my path to a better world will form.
I had to take out the first sentence because it didn't fit. Also, you shouldn't use "like" in your writing because it weakens the main message. I reduced it by 50 words around. I didn't check for grammar errors so you will have to do that or someone else. I hope you like it.
Gregoryg93
Thanks a lot men! You really improved my essay and reduced it by much! Really thankful. By the way, what's your take on my essay? Is it good or is it weak? I would love to receive a reply from you :)
Its good for the most part. There are a few cliched parts. You should try to be as original as possible with word choice.
Thanks Once again, I really appreciate your time :)!
If you got any more time to spare please check my Princeton essay and give me your take on it! Dont feel pressured if you do not have time to check it I'll understand... we're all stressed out with this applications ><!
We can shave off this first word:
Even Looking for explanation to about the ...
Try to avoid structures like this, where you put a giant phrase between the subject and verb: Just thinking that many lives can be saved if the quality of infrastructures increases and if the construction of anti-seismic buildings came to shine inspires me.--When I get to "inspires me," I am a little tripped up. I am inspired just thinking that many lives can be saved if the quality of infrastructures increases and if the construction of anti-seismic buildings came to shine.
Same here:
My path to a better world will form through extensive research in the so many labs found in this ...
:-)
