My teacher says to elaborate on some points, I am puzzled. Thoughts?
To my family, I am known as their personal geek squad. My mind wanders with the sweetest passion toward technology, specifically computers. My future endeavors include becoming an active participant in the technological society, with a long-term goal of becoming a computer programmer. I know challenges will occur which will try to halt my dreams; however, I know that my passion for technology will allow me to smash through those barriers.
My interest in computers was ignited when hardships overtook my family.My mother fell into a deep trance of depression, and my brother Aaron was unemployed with two children and another on the way. In addition, to the problem with my mom, my brother Michael had been facing a terrible addiction to drugs. At first, wanting to help out the family with our financial situation Michael ended up using his job to fuel his newfound addiction. I was eager to fire up my computational thinking skills, due to me wanting to stray away from the path of self-destruction. Through my extensive interests in computers, this would help me finally change the way my family was living, and eventually how the future generations of my family would see things.
To some people, it may seem strange that I was so young and focusing all my attention on computers. Nevertheless computer gaming and studying online about how to take apart your desktop computer became a hobby of mine. I made my brother Mike's first social network page for him, as well as an e-mail address. We later lost the capability to use the internet. Without the internet, I started to read programming books at my local library.
As time passed by, I got a job assisting people with their websites, such as troubleshooting issues, coding new features, and even creating new webpages. From this job, I was able to get real world experience while receiving financial comfort. This job also has helped me learn new things such as new programming languages.
I remain hopeful despite challenges or major setbacks. Throughout various dilemmas in my lifetime, computers have helped me escape this realm we call society. Computers has reconstructed today's society in ways unimaginable, I want to be a part making of future technology. Living in difficult situations has shaped my desire to work with technology because I want to become a computer programmer.
Yes, I think you should elaborate more on why you want to be a computer programmer. Your Essay gave a clear picture of knowledge you have about computer, how you helped people with it, how it became a source of income for you and not why you want to be a computer.
Work on that now, then grammar checking/tense balancing can then follow. Tense balancing is not necessary now, to avoid double work. As you're still going to elaborate more on one point.
Overall, your essay is nice. I can view the picture you're trying to present.
