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CAN; UVA supplement - My favorite word


jsh0011 3 / 6 2  
Dec 28, 2013   #1
Please be harsh and criticize my UVA supplement essay. Thank you.
Prompt: what is your favorite word and why?

I remember that day. Waiting for my turn, I wiped off my sweaty palms on my red dress and wiggled my fingers to mimic my piece, Czerny 30 No.11. Panic began to engulf as I heard thunderous applause from the audiences and the host calling my name. I regretted signing up for this piano competition and thought to myself I can't do it. Then I looked over at my mother and she mouthed to me "They all can do it. Why not you? You can do it!" Although I didn't win any award and all I received was participation certificate, I was proud of myself for performing the piece in front of people. Till this day I can't forget my mother's word that encouraged me, the word "I can do it", the word can.

Can is a strong, motivating word. You can try. You can challenge. You can learn. It implies that you are able to accomplish something, even if it seems difficult and challenging. Can mean nothing is impossible as long as you can try. In my lifetime, I have had a lot of moments when I wanted to give up, making excuses to myself that I can't do it. But whenever I feel like I'm not capable of accomplishing it, I would remember what my mother said that day, the power of "you can do it", the power of "can".
plee24 3 / 21 8  
Dec 28, 2013   #2
the word "I can do it" < "I can do it" is an entire phrase, you might wanna reword that , the word can.

Can is a strong, motivating word. You can try. You can challenge. You can learn. It implies that you are able to accomplish something, even if it seems difficult and challenging. Can means nothing is impossible as long as you can try. In my lifetime, I have had a lot of moments when I wanted to give up, making excuses to myself that I can't do it. But whenever I feel like I'm not capable of accomplishing it, I would remember what my mother said that day,the power of "you can do it", the power of "can". <that fragment makes your sentence a run-on.
OP jsh0011 3 / 6 2  
Dec 29, 2013   #3
Thank you plee 24! Is there anyone who can read my essay? I don't know if I should submit as it is or revise it more..


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