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UVA supplement/ My favorite word--love


bb0131 1 / 1  
Dec 20, 2011   #1
Hi Everyone
I just wrote an UVA supplement, the prompt is about your favorite word and I chose love.
Here is my essay, I will be glad if anyone could give me some advices or revise it for me :))

My favorite word is love because I think it is love that makes the world go around.
Love to me is what water to fish. Love shines the most beautiful light of humanity, we born in it and we live by it. However, we often take love as granted. Love is priceless and precious, we should cherish it. How do we cherish love? I have heard a saying: the quickest way to receive love is to give it; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

It is important for us to learn to love as the first class in our life. You become a real man in this word when you learn to love. Love brings us warmth in the fearful coldness; love brings us bright when life gets hard and dark; love brings us confidence toward life when we are tired out and want to give up.

Love deserves all the admiring words, and love is even beyond the life and death. That is why love is my favorite word.
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Dec 20, 2011   #2
Nice job, you are off to a great start!

I think it is love that makes the world go around. This sounds a little cliche. Maybe say "love is the connection between all people" or something along those lines.

the quickest way to receive love is to give it; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly the best way to keep love is to give it wings. This is a great quote! Consider opening your paper with this as a beginning.

It is important for us to learn to love as the first class in our life. This is confusing. You are saying a person should make love a priority in life.

Love deserves all the admiring words, and love is even beyond the life and death. That is why love is my favorite word. Use stronger words to close your essay. It needs more quality points at the end. Add more content to this paper.
OP bb0131 1 / 1  
Dec 20, 2011   #3
thanks very much
cherrybomb94 20 / 44  
Dec 20, 2011   #4
I would suggest tightening you essay up and making your essay more specific. You move too quickly from one idea to the next, without taking the time to elaborate. Also, try to make it a little less cliched; this sounds too similar to what one could find in a hallmark card. Sorry if this sounds too critical; I only mean to help!


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