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UVA Supplement - The Steppe Bison


afriendinneed 1 / -  
Dec 17, 2018   #1
Hey there! Made a draft of this essay and just needed some potential editing tips! (UVA does ask for ~250 words, but I'm at almost 300! The text limit is 300, but I'm afraid that it might be a bit above the 250 range UVA suggests. Potential word count reduction?) Thanks in advance!

We are looking for passionate students to join our diverse community of scholars, researchers, and artists. Answer this question, which corresponds to the school/program you selected above, in a half page or roughly 250 words.

What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?


my new perspective of history



In a world of technological innovations and towering cityscapes, it can be hard at times to truly imagine what the prehistoric world looked like. After all, we've only been recording history for 5,000 years, which sounds like an eternity until you realize mankind has existed for 200,000 years. The few things we do have to commemorate the other 98% of our existence are some cave paintings, primitive tools, and the occasional bone fragment. It simply isn't possible for ancient artifacts to fully represent prehistoric life, or so I thought.

Enter Blue Babe. During the summer of 1979, he was found perfectly preserved in the Alaskan permafrost. Now nestled inside a museum, surrounded by a zoo of skeletons and bone parts, this deceivingly alive Steppe Bison stuck out like a sore thumb. I could see wrinkles in the skin folds, the details of it's bronze-colored horns, and even make out individual eyelids! Had I not been told I was looking at a 30,000 year old animal, I would've been none the wiser.

I've always viewed history as a static slideshow. The grand battles of the Revolutionary War and the busy markets of Renaissance era Florence could only be captured by still paintings. No amount of color or realism can capture the smells, sounds, and atmosphere of an event. Condensing an era into a singular illustration allowed me to take a glimpse at what once was, but I can't help feel like a far-removed observer at times.

But here I was, standing in the presence of a long-extinct animal as our prehistoric ancestors might have seen. The creature gave me a new perspective of history. It is no longer just the amassment of statistics and facts to me, but rather a living, breathing collection of stories and experiences.
pchaulk 1 / 3 2  
Dec 17, 2018   #2
Hello,
Great writing skills so I'm sure you'll do fine.
I do not agree, however, with your third paragraph.
Although I'm not a history person, I've read some great history that paints a moving picture in the mind with each "slide" from a different time or author. The amount of realism that is captured in canonical writing can elicit multiple human senses, and although the psychical sensations do don't exist, their perceptions still do. I see history along line lines of a continuum which flow forwards and backwards from any given point irregardless to the subject matter. So I'm not sure if arguing that history is a static slideshow will agree with your intended audience. But these are only my thoughts.

Thank-you for writing a great piece.
Sincerely,
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,766 4768  
Dec 18, 2018   #3
Ryan, you sound really surprise in the essay, but you are not clearly explaining why. So you will need to better explain why the view of the Steppe Bison left you surprised. Based on your description, you should be explaining how historical artifacts are amazingly preserved by nature. Then from that point, continue to explain why this revelation proceeded to either unsettle or challenge you, leading you to do further research, ending up with your chosen major. To reduce the word count, you could try to shorten your first paragraph. Just give a pointed response by opening with your seeing the Steppe Bison at the museum. You don't really need too creative openings for these direct prompt essays. You just need to provide a clear response because of the limited word count. Expand on your explanation and revise certain parts (of your choosing) to better suit the word requirements. Pick either the Steppe Bison or history aspect to discuss. Don't try to do both. When you tried it in this essay you caused a confusing presentation that does not have any connection between the two topics. Though both are historical in certain aspects, the first one, the history of ancient animals and its evolution into the modern counterpart ( a suggested discussion topic for this essay) is far better than the evolution of man through historical context.


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