UVa Supplement - World I come from "Neighbors"

" Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are." I don't know how strong this one is. Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

The Skyview neighborhood was a nice, little country neighborhood and will always be home to me. I lived there from the time I was in third grade until eighth grade. I grew up there and because of that, it has had a deep impact on me and the morals I possess. Two neighbors impacted me more than any other, the Taylor's and Vivian.

We actually met the Taylor's because my mom was a horse trainer and their horses needed training, but there was just one tiny difference; their horses were miniature horses. My mom trained them all the same but the important part is that it started a friendship that lasts to this day; in fact they invited us to their Italian family Christmas dinner this year. Mrs. Taylor is the type of woman who is always offering food even though you have had already had quite enough. She drove by the bus stop on her way to work every morning when my sister and I were out there and always stopped with a friendly hello and some Twizzlers. I learned from the Taylor's to always be generous, not only with my possessions, but also with my love.

And of course, there was Vivian. She was the perfect model of a Southern woman; outdoorsy, soft spoken but never weak, and beyond nice. She welcomed us into her family with open arms and every year she invited us to Thanksgiving at her house along with her whole big family. She also helped my mom through some difficult times with comforting words of wisdom and always helped us when we were in need, especially near the end of our time in that neighborhood. I learned from her to treat others like family and to always help them when they are in need, even if it's just a reassuring word or a home-cooked breakfast.

Your writing style comes off as kind of juvenile to me. You have a good concept here but you need to find a different way of writing about it. Please check out my common app one. Thanks!

The problem with your essay is that you do not tell specific enough how the influence has shaped you.
I am left knowig more about horses and the Viviann's than about you.
Try to cut down on the unnecessary descripitons that have nothing to do with you and talk a little bit about the impact it had on you.

Hope this helps

By the way, would you mind giving feedback on my essay? I would realy really really really apreciate it.