I have 3 essays that I have written so far for the United World Colleges admissions board. I would really like any advice, whether its grammatical or about the content of the essay. Thanks!
1) There is a saying "let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised, your family, home, community, country/ies you have lived in, and how they have shaped who you are today.
Living in Oman-a little desert I've called home for almost ten years-has taught me a great deal. When faced with having to leave, worried by the idea of the multicultural environment I have become so accustomed to disappearing, I asked myself: Where else could I go that would allow me to say I have friends from every continent? Where else could I be that would let me indulge in various cultures so often that they all felt like my own?
When asked to summarize my experience throughout 10 years at ABA (a small but diverse IB school) a quote from one of my favourite poems comes to mind; "People are made of places," (Where I Come From, Elizabeth Brewster). It became clear what I enjoyed about Oman wasn't the gorgeous beaches or the summer heat all-year round, but the melting pot of nationalities and cultures my school offered. If people are made of places, I am made of the cultural diversity that ABA so deeply ingrained in me. Out of the mere 3 million people that live in Oman, 50% of them are expatriates, and they had become my family. Moreover, I was raised with the mindset that travel and discovery are not merely pleasures but a way of life; the opportunities with which I've been presented have allowed me to experience much of the world. My family has always been one to embrace any opportunity to enrich their cultural exposure. Cultural exploration has built my character into a passionate but respectful one, as various exposures to different cultures and histories do.
I would not change anything about my past as it has allowed me to grow into an educated and well-cultured young woman. I have discovered my passion for the world through my stay in a diverse community and my ability to travel all around the world; I now know that the only career path I could see myself enjoy is international relations or diplomacy. For this, I am thankful. My life so far has only supported me in realizing where I want to go and whom I want to be, and without Oman and all my past experiences, I would be lost. In a quest to fulfill my dreams, I discovered UWC, which allows me to do bigger and better things with my future as well as keeping everything I've loved about the past with me.
2), 3) MOD comment:One essay at one time please
P.S. The word limit for each essay is 400 words, so I may not be able to add too much on. :)
Tanya, this is quite a revealing essay that explains how your various environments have helped you become the person you are today. It would have been nice to have read more about how your family, your parents in particular, influenced the development of your point of view about life and other events that are relevant to your development as a person. I also would like to advise you to remove any reference to UWC in the latter part of your essay because it is not necessary in this essay. The essay is asking you to discuss the development of your personality and UWC is not related to that prompt in any way. Instead, write a conclusion that will combine the two influences that you discuss in the paper and explain how its combination within you created a strong personality and given you a clear idea of who could be in the future.
