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'the value/characteristics of your generation' - grammar in my essay?


Khuyenhoang 1 / -  
Oct 24, 2012   #1
Can you check the grammar, thesis statement and the topic sentences in my essay? I am ESL student, i know i have many error grammar.

This is illustration essay
Topic: the value/characteristics of your generation
Title
The amount of money is signal for standard of living. When someone decreases income, it means that they lost jobs or they have to work part- time. As a result, good living standards are the result of economic development. Our generation has a lot of opportunities to develop in the convenient life while our parent's generation didn't have characteristics of our generation. My parents' generation didn't have the fast internet, many opportunities to work, or study. The most essential values in our generation are study method in education, community service, and high technology in school.

The characteristic in my generation is the active study method in education. Students have many activities such as presentation, working in group, discussing or arguing the questions. The students can research more information about the lesson. Moreover, they can question their teacher. For example, in Biology 40A class, my instructor teaches about the functions and the structures of the cells. He said that we have to use microscope to watch the cell. So, the student asked the instructor that "Why are cells small?" My instructor answered the question by explaining surface area of the cells. When the student asked the question, they can more understand the lesson. In addition, when the students can question their instructors and discuss their question, they make the class's atmosphere become dynamic. Therefore, the value of my generation is active in the study method.

Students do not only learn from their textbooks, but they also apply the theories into real life by doing community services is the value of my generation. When students have chances to volunteer in the works that relate to their majors, they will be able to understand the knowledge deeper. For example, nursing students who do volunteer works in the hospitals seem to take more advantages of the knowledge they have learned in class. One benefit they will get is to get used to the hospital environment from working with the other nurses and the patients. Besides, they will have many opportunities to gain experience such as following the nurses to patients' rooms to assist them in taking care of the patients. Having experienced reality, students no longer have to imagine textbooks' theories but such theories are now getting closer to them as useful applications instead. In addition, the applications always help people to remember the knowledge better. Therefore, today in my generation is applying the theories into the real life by doing community services.

High technology is the value of my generation because it makes the students to become lazy. Today, high technology is development such as connection world wide, or update information. One thing makes the students to become lazy is information on the internet. For example, some students live in America; they need to read the English books to improve vocabularies at school. However, they feel bored, they don't enough vocabularies to understand the stories. So, they use internet to find information about the stories and translate them into their language. High technology can help them understand the vocabularies by using dictionary's website but it is a bad tool to make students lazy. Therefore, high technology makes student to become lazy is in the value of my generation.

Study method in education, community service, and high technology are the most important values of my generation. Those of things give everyone in my generation a lot of benefits and help them to succeed in the convenient life. We have many opportunities to learn and improve all the skills in our life.

Thanks for helping.
kamranmangi41 1 / 3  
Oct 24, 2012   #2
grammatical mistakes better than error grammar .

and arguingor arguing
ayushb 2 / 1  
Oct 24, 2012   #3
cells so small*
nky99913 1 / 5  
Oct 24, 2012   #4
The amount of Money is essential for a good standard of living. When someone decreases income, it means that they have either lost their jobs or are now working part time.As a resultTherefore , good living standards are the result of economic development. Our generation has a lot of opportunities to develop in the convenient lifeunlike our parent's generation which didn't have as much opportunities . Our parents' generation didn't have the fast internet,ormany opportunities to work, or study as we do now . The most essential values in our generation are study method in(I dont think this is necessary here) education, community service, and advanced technology in school.

The characteristic in my generation is the active study method in education.Unnecessary Students havetake part in many activities such as presentations , working in group and discussing or arguing the questions. The students can re search for more information about the lesson. Moreover, they can question their teacher. For example, in Biology 40A class, my instructor teaches about the functions and the structures of the cells. He said that we have to use microscope to watch the cell. So, the student asked the instructor that "Why are cells small?" My instructor answered the question by explaining surface area of the cells.Rephrase this partDon't include the speech marks as it seems a bit childish rather than reported speech. You could just explain that he was teaching about the structures when someone asked a question. Then the teacher explained it or even provide a diffferent example all together. Just my opinion though When the student asked the question, they can better understand the lesson. When the students can ask questions and discuss in the classroom, the classroom becomes more interactive.Therefore, the value of my generation is active in the study method.

That's all I was able to do. Hope it helps.


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