This is an essay for Colby, one of my safety colleges. I visited Colby and really liked the atmosphere; however, I honestly think I can get accepted to a better college. Even then, I wouldn't want to risk my essay and just write carelessly. Please let me know if you see any errors or room for improvements.
Thanks a lot in advance!
Experience Colby was a ground-breaking experience in my life. It was my first time flying alone, and my first time going on a college visit. I decided to visit Colby because I wanted to explore a liberal arts environment. My parents also encouraged me to go as they thought visiting a college was essential to making any decisions about college.
I am a 21st Century Atlanta scholar, and Colby is a partner college of the 21st Century Atlanta program. Through the program, I applied for the multicultural Experience Colby program. I was thrilled when I read the e-mail on a Friday afternoon. The second line read "Congratulations! You have been approved..." The librarian hurriedly scolded me as I jumped up and shouted with joy. Within three weeks, on October 13th, I was on my way to the Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.
Visiting Colby was an inspiring experience as it exposed me to the value of a liberal arts education. At Colby, I attended a seminar on biochemistry hosted by IBM, an improvisational comedy show, a volleyball game between Colby and Bowdoin, and many more amazing events. I attended a calculus class with my host and had dinner with a computer science professor. The three days at Colby were perhaps the most eventful days in my life. I realized how Colby would help me to create a perfect balance of academics and social life. The life at Colby resonates with my aspirations for higher education; I can see myself being a White Mule.
This essay is good, but I feel that if you expounded more about that time at Colby, it would really make the difference for your essay between good and really meaningful :) My own curiousness: Did you meet any cool ppl at Colby? Like Colby college students or others? That might be nice to talk about too. :)
Can you also look over and sort of give me feedback about my two essays: one that is the Common App main essay "Paradoxical Christian" and the other "Letter to Roommate - love, CHinese girl" ones
I'd really appreciate it, thanks!!