The value of teamwork and math and sciences. Unites States Naval Academy admissions essay

Hey everyone, the prompt of my essay is

(1)Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long-range goals, and
(2)Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.

teamwork, math and sciences

I would like some help with connecting my ideas and general grammar.

thanks for your input

Here is my essay:

Ever since I started playing football in early childhood I have always admired the beauty of teamwork. My first interest in Naval service originated when I heard about the Seal Team Six raid on the Osama bin Laden compound. I admired the extensive cooperation and teamwork it took from the Central Intelligence Agency who found him, and the Seals who assaulted the compound. I see Naval service as the perfect opportunity to hone and apply my leadership skills to lead united states troops against her enemies.

Math and Physics were not always my strongest subjects, especially when I was recovering from a concussion playing football. However, I always had competitive instincts and through determination to improve in those subjects I found a beauty in them as they are the language that is used to describe our physical universe. What I used to see as useless gibberish that had no real-world application became something I saw as beautiful in its own unique way. After I started seeing math and science in this unique way I developed a love for these subjects which greatly contributed to the drastic improvement in my math and physics grades. I quickly realized that the real-world application of math and physics is engineering.

I desire to attend the Naval Academy because my value of teamwork and math and sciences align themselves with those of the academy and the United States Military as a whole. I believe my view on math and physics will allow me to thrive in the Academies' rigorous engineering curriculum which will propel me to my goal of becoming a weapons engineer.

My natural competitive instincts have driven me to be the best at what I do including football. Through the end of my junior year and into my senior year I worked around the clock in the weight room to become stronger and be more capable of doing my job on the football field. Because of my determination to improve my teammates began to look up to me for inspiration and I was soon elected as a captain of the varsity football team. I never had much experience leading a team before and my first challenge came when we were behind two scores in the fourth game of the season. The team moral was abysmally low and I realized I had to do something about it. Although it seemed impossible I found a way to force a fumble and give the football back to our offense and thus I boosted our team moral. This experience contributed to my own character and integrity because it made me realize that the essence of leadership is being able to inspire one's team when everything seems to be lost. I realized that I was responsible for something much greater than just myself.

Nick, you need a transition paragraph after the opening paragraph that talks about team work. Your transition paragraph should be representative of the connection between team work, math, and physics. Analyze the story of the attack on Bin Laden. Try to figure out how Math and Physics played a role in taking him down. Was it through the calculated attack? Was there a physics equation involved in how the soldiers successfully enacted the plan of action? Try to make a connection between the two so that the explanation that you give about math and physics in the current 2nd paragraph makes more sense and has a better connection with your presented discussion. By the way, you need to double check your essay for proper noun usage. Some important words are written in lower case when it should have been capitalized at first. I am hoping that you know you did that and that the error was forced by the fact that you are writing a draft version of the essay.

@Holt
Thanks for the input.