Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150-400 words)
I am at the 400 word limit
The institutionalization of education within impoverished communities in the last 60 years had positive intentions but unfortunately has fallen short. Sadly, it took me 15 years to realize this inequality, which occurred to me when I transferred schools, affluent to impoverished, my junior year. This disparity is by no means hidden, it's witnessed in the halls, the classrooms, and the eyes of the 3,600 students who attend my school. Thus inundated with the constant reminder of the disadvantages of others, I created the Minority Association Promoting Progress in Education and Development (MAPPED).
Many debate that shear will, determination, and work ethic should override the disadvantages underprivileged students face. However, the rarity of success stories have left me baffled for as long as I've been at Meadowcreek High School. I've heard students mumble things like "I'm dropping out because I want to make money" or "College isn't for me". This mentality is not chosen but has been fostered by the proverbial great wall that keeps these students behind seemingly unattainable aspirations. In order to remove that wall, I've targeted MAPPED towards the freshmen and sophomores of Meadowcreek because the transition between those two grade levels contributes the most to our 53% dropout rate. In MAPPED, 12th grade students tutor and plan pathways the youth will follow throughout their academic career. By selecting the highest achieving upperclassmen, we are attempting to instill academic diligence and collegial promise within the underclassmen. While this all may be on as small scale, I'm confident MAPPED will have a positive and escalating impact on these students' lives. My experience in developing MAPPED truly opened my eyes to the inequalities in education, but I'm rather grateful because I can now spread this awareness.
Fortunately, I grew up with the privilege of having a family that promotes academic excellence. And I'm grateful that I've become aware of such a prevalent issue in such a short period of time. However, I refuse to allow this inequity to remain dormant while many remain ignorant. The innovative thinking and open-mindedness that is exemplified at Vanderbilt is the perfect haven to foster eager minds that help advance myself and others around me. I truly believe that Vanderbilt's forward thinking student body, brilliant professors, and plethora of resources in conjunction with my fervent desire to implement change is the perfect combination to combat these injustices and work towards changing this distorted structure.
Your essay is really good, and explains the club you created well, and its background and purpose. I think an important thing to note is briefly. I feel like your first and final paragraphs can be shortened, and your overall essay should talk more about your role in the organization, or the results of implementing it. Also, I don't know how you write, but for the purposes of your essay you seem to be throwing a lot of "difficult" words in there, or convoluting your sentences. For example, your first sentence does not grasp the attention of the reader all too much. I mean, you started a great club, you might want to sound a little enthusiastic in your writing.
I changed some portions of my essay around. However, I think that the intro is pretty decent. Im presenting an issue, then I say how I combatted it, closing with a tie to Vandy.
