'A varsity player in chess' - Significant experiences/accomplishment

This is my essay. I need help and constructive criticism in correcting some parts of it. I would really appreciate any help you can give. :)

There were many significant experiences that have shaped me to be the person I am today and these experiences have taught me a lot. It is indeed true that experience is the best teacher, but she is also the cruelest one for she gives the test before presenting the lessons. There were also many times in my life that I was faced with difficult situations that changed my whole being. I may have had many arduous trials and obstacles in the past but I have many accomplishments in my life as well that helped me define as a person. Many of these experiences and accomplishments occurred to me from my childhood to the present, and from these, I have come to discover myself more as the person I really am.

Now as I try to fully recall the things that have happened in my past as I write this essay, various chains of memories show themselves into my subconscious. These flashbacks remind me of what actions I should apply to certain situations and what actions I must never do again.

Even when I was in preschool, I am a consistent honor student. I joined different quiz bees in sixth grade and was awarded academic excellence for six consecutive years since third grade . I am called by some as an overachiever for exhibiting a persistent attitude towards my studies. I am not, however, in any way gifted as my parents used to say, for I demonstrate no exceptional talents and my intellectual capacity is not significantly higher than average and I also have my weaknesses like other normal children. Being a consistent honor student was the fruit that all my efforts and labors in studying bore.

It was really when I started sixth grade that I become an overachiever. I became a varsity player in chess and was given the opportunity to represent our school by joining the ISBVL wherein I won a silver medal. Aside from being a participant in chess competitions, I also became active in joining quiz bees in Civics and Science. In fact, I made it to the Ovaltine CAMANAVA Quiz Bee Division Championships. All the months of reviewing and preparing for this quiz bee paid off as I finally step on the stage, with cameras and video equipment in front of me, to proudly represent my school. It was a rewarding experience for me to be seen competing in national television. My extra-curricular activities did not stop there as I became the Middle School Student Body President and the leader of the student body. Having experience in my elementary life the tough competition, constant pressure, hectic schedule, and the sweet glory of having perfect grades, I felt relief when all the hardships I have gone through reward me with a meaningful gift - being a Valedictorian with a Leadership Award on my elementary graduation day.

Being an overachiever who has a reputation to maintain has given me a great deal of benefits but along with these benefits is also a great deal of problems associated with being an overachiever. I was stressed out from the moment I wake up in the morning until the moment I close my eyes at night. I pushed myself so hard that I have little time for pleasure. I drained myself mentally and physically in my desire to please others and this need of mine to please also translated into a fear of failure.

It was summer of 2010 when I was faced with one of the biggest problems of my life. I was diagnosed with Rheumatic Heart Disorder, a complication of rheumatic fever in which the heart valves are permanently damaged. My parents were emotionally stressed out as they began to blame themselves for my health problem. Since then, I have to take extremely painful injections every month to prevent having another attack of rheumatic fever as another attack will cause a more serious damage to my heart.

Since I was diagnosed with my heart problem, I became easily tired and exhausted. I am no longer physically fit as I used to be. I have to give up many activities in school because stress and lack of sleep will have cause more adverse effects on my health. It was a difficult moment of my life as I had to make a lot of adjustments in my change of diet, my schedule of sleep, and in choosing the activities I have to let go of. Having a heart disease, however, did not stop me from excelling academically in school. I continued to be an academic excellence until second year of high school and received a second honor in third year. I even served two years in the high school student body - first as a Second Year Representative and second as a Vice President.

At that time, I felt like having a disease was the greatest setback in my life, but little did I know that it was a blessing in disguise. My health problem gave me a new-found happiness and appreciation for life, made me develop a healthier lifestyle, and taught me to build a closer and stronger relationship with God. With fewer activities to manage, I was able to finally relax and enjoy myself as a teen. I stopped letting the stress of being an overachiever overshadow my teenage life. I began to realize that I shouldn't base my feelings of self-worth on my accomplishments and other external markers of success. I realized that self-worth is measured from within rather than by what others think or say. I also began to pray to God to ask for His guidance so that I may never stray way from the right path and for strength that I may be able to surpass the challenges in life with courage and confidence. This when I realized that I am not alone in carrying my personal cross for He has been beside me all the time in carrying it. I began to understand that however bad a circumstance seems and feels, it could always be worse. In my case, I am very blessed to have regular treatments at hand to serve as maintenance to my heart problem and in this way, I was able to accept and deal with it easier. (--unfinished--)

I was a consistent honor


I was called


It was really in sixth grade that I started becoming an overachiever


I woke up in the morning until the moment I closed my eyes at night.


I had little time

Is this an Ateneo Application Essay?

Hi
In my view, your essay is good, but if you want to get a good grade, you must write in a format that ETS prefers it.

First, it is better to write 4 or 5 paragraphs.
Second, word count is important. According to Joseph Miranda if you write 450-500 words, your score probably is around 27-30, if you write 350-450 words, your score probably will be around 22-26, and if you write 250-350 words, your score probably will be around 17-21.

Third, you must use a standard format. The first paragraph is introduction, the second, third, and forth are the body paragraphs, and the last one is the conclusion. It is better to start the body paragraphs and the conclusion as follow:

Firstly,
Secondly,
Thirdly,
In conclusion,

.... it is sort of understood.
There were many experiences that have been instrumental in shaping me into the person who I am today.
What's your prompt? If it asks you to talk about one specific experience, I feel it is better to stick to one and introduce it at the beginning .

Even when I was in preschool, I amhad been a consistent honor student.

Yes, this essay is for Ateneo.
Thank you very much for the corrections! I appreciate them a lot. :)