I'm aware its not done yet; I still have to add how I found about the school. The biggest grip I have right now is I feel my essay too structured and dry, and, judging my the essays I read so far, I need to be less formal and more open I guess? The only issue is i'm having conflicting advice. Some people are telling me to be plain and simple while others are telling me to be engaging, as if i'm telling a story.
How did you learn about Vassar and what aspect of our college do you find appealing?
The aspect of Vassar that allures me the most is the academic and individual freedom the students have. Not only does the university provide tremendous amount of student support, from their one to one professor relationships to the tutoring services offered, but Vassar allows the students to find and pursue their passions. During my visit there, I was able to exact why the university appealed to me so much. When I first stepped foot on the campus I was struck by how beautiful the buildings and landscapes were. It had a very rustic but cozy feeling to it. I felt drawn in by the gothic architecture and treelines, and I found myself staring at the surrounding nature for an inordinate amount of time. What was incredibly fascinating was when my tour guide told us that one could find every species of trees on the main campus. That itself is unbelievable, considering how much dedication that one task would take.
What I noticed most during my time there was how independent each student seemed. Each one had their own personality and their own quirks and each I felt had created their own identity. There wasn't just musicians, athletes, or performers but rather a diverse and intellectual community of students. I could imagine myself playing on of the many Steinway pianos or joining the SlowFood club to discover more about cuisines. I could also see myself taking the metro to New York City or just wandering Poughkeepsie, looking at the latest restaurants and shops. If I want some alone time, I could take a jog, gazing at the scenery of the Hudson Valley. That is what makes Vassar so special to me, it is the fact I am given the tools and opportunities for success and self-discovery, inside a very closely-knit community full of collaboration and support.
Hi Alex, welcome to EssayForum :)
I would like to share some insights towards your essay. I hope the feedback that I would like to share to you will be helpful.
1st paragraph:
- The aspect of Vassar that allures me the most isThe academic and individual freedom that the students' have are the most alluring aspects of Vassar.(Your previous sentence was too mainstream. Try to be more creative by paraphrasing the question or the prompt given.)
- I was able to exactknow why did the university appealedappeal to me so much.
2nd paragraph:
- Each one had theirhis or her own personality and their own quirks. andThen,each I felt that I had created theirhis or her own identity.
- There wasn'twere not just musicians,...
- I could imagine myself playing onone of the many Steinway pianos...
I have a different opinion regarding to how you judge your own essay. I think this essay has already answered the prompt well. You have clearly mentioned or answered it clearly about what aspects from Vassar that you've found appealing. Perhaps, the thing that you need to add in the last sentence of this essay is that you have to mention your "hope". Your hope to be admitted or accepted to study in that college.
Hope this helps :)
hii, here is my correction ;)
gothic architecture and treelinestree linesyou should giving space between tree and lines
there wasn't >> there were not just musiciansit was plural, so you should use were
that's all maybe, btw i really glad to read your essay. keep spirit in writing yaa! cmiiw also ;)
