Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 16

why vassar essay - "My canvas"


poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 29, 2009   #1
Here's my response to the prompt "How did you learn about Vassar and what aspects do you find appealing?"

Show no mercy. I appreciate your help a lot.

The whiteness challenges me. It penetrates to my thoughts, down my throat. Ironic... It looks so fragile, yet it holds an enormous power in my eyes. It is so thin, almost transparent, and in the same time it doesn't allow me to see what hides behind it. I should be the one to tell that. The question is: Am I ready?

I stare at the empty canvas, depicted in the very first page of Vassar's handbook. I look at the red letters "What are you going to put on the canvas?" Yes, it is my canvas. I have never been a great painter, but this is not the usual canvas anyway. Yet, in this very moment, painting seems easier than doing what I am supposed to do: choose for my future, determine my path. Reluctantly, my fingers touch the side of the paper to advance to the next page.

Pictures. Unique. I try to find what is so special about them: probably the fact they are so different from each other, probably the feeling that the smiling faces portrayed in those pictures seem so happy and real. I can imagine my picture there, among those trees, using the pile of books beside me as a pillow to rest my head and enjoy the stunning scenery of Hudson Valley. I catch myself smiling, as I would smile if I were there, inside that imaginary picture.

Next page. Numbers. A "50" catches my sight: "Vassar students come from 50 states and 50 foreign countries." Those simple words, typed in small letters, made my heart pump and my smile widen. I loved the opportunity to emerge in an incredibly globalized environment and foster that unique diversity: may it be simply through a bit of my native language or the traditional curd pie, as well as through my dreams and my windows to the world. Though, in my eyes that number expresses not only rich diversity. It also sheds light to a college that encourages international students and gives them the opportunity to receive an excellent education, even though they might not be able to financially support it. Vassar immediately won my respect for this.

The next pages kept me throughout hooked. From the senses the initial pictures gave me, I passed into experiencing what it means to be a Vassar student. I met Luke and ran eagerly through the lines that described his summer on an archeological dig in Greece, just to realize how many incredible opportunities Vassar has to offer to his students. One of my biggest passions has always been traveling and meeting new cultures and environments, and Vassar's summer internship programs seem like an exciting and very rewarding way to fulfill my passion. I also encountered Allyson, and I was amazed at discovering an element of Vassar's long and renowned history: the tradition of the "Founder's Day". Rebecca gave me an insight to the vibrant student life, and, after further research on Vassar's site, I could easily picture myself as a "Habitat for Humanity" activist. Every person I met, with his unique dreams and passions, helped me understand that Vassar is a wonderful architect of bright presents and futures.

I come closer to the handbook's back cover, with every word impressed in my mind. I skim through Vassar's Curriculum, to stop where my passion lies. Neuroscience and Behavior - the perfect blend between my immutable attraction to Biology and my desire to understand and help people. In this field, where many potentially life-revolutionizing questions are still unanswered, I am thrilled by the possibility to discover and to make a change. Vassar's excellent Neuroscience and Behavior program, combining a renowned faculty with seminars, field works, independent works and not only, epitomizes to me a chance which I cannot let slip.

I have finished reading. I smile outside, I smile inside. Yet, I do not close the book. I slip back to page one. The canvas. Now, I am sure. I have the answer.
cucciola21 4 / 8  
Dec 29, 2009   #2
Delightful!

I'm not a pro at writing "Why" essays, but I like this one. It feels like you've taken the time to know the school and while you're talking about the school you're revealing information about yourself too.

One thing, I'm not sure whether it's intentional or not

...just to realize how many incredible opportunities Vassar has to offer to HIS? its students.

Neuroscience and behavior is a great field. I'm more interested in genetics, both biological and psychological aspects, and I can't wait to do research in the field.
OP poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 29, 2009   #3
Any other opinion? please help me.

@ Daila: Thank you! You are right about the "its". I find Genetics interesting too. I wish you good luck :)
qianmeimei 3 / 14  
Dec 29, 2009   #4
i really admire your writing style. Your language is beautiful and flows well.

But in the third paragraph, i think it is a little abstract to say Vassar is unique.
and in the forth paragraph,
I loved the opportunity to emerge in an incredibly globalized environment and foster that unique diversity
in the fifth paragraph,One of my biggest passions has always been traveling and meeting new cultures and environments
it seems a little repeat~

Besides, i think you can say more about the excellent academic experiences in Vassar. Although the academic factor is not the only one to choose a college, it is still the most important one.

You wrote so well and i enjoyed reading it!

Good luck!
bilal530 2 / 7  
Dec 29, 2009   #5
OMG. I love it! You will do well.
You've addressed all aspects of the prompt. At the same time, you've made an excellent attempt at being innovative in your writing. I love the canvas idea and the closing sentence is very apt. It is not the typical Why Vassar? response that one would normally come across. Your response also captures Vassar's spirit and shows that you know all about the college. And I haven't encountered any grammatical errors either, atleast not on first reading.

I'm applying to vassar too. Will post my essay soon.
OP poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 29, 2009   #6
I see your point. I'll try to fix those things asap.
Thank you for reading and for the compliments :)
bilal530 2 / 7  
Dec 29, 2009   #7
In the 5th para, it should be Vassar's summer internship programs seem like exciting and very rewarding ways to fulfill my passion. :)
OP poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 29, 2009   #8
Thank you a lot Bilal.
Hope to meet you in September! :)
KupcakeKim 4 / 10  
Dec 29, 2009   #9
I thought there is a 500 character limit on the Vassar supplement essay?!
I have been scrupulously cutting down on my own essay...

----

Your introduction has a nice approach, BUT:
I know I come to conclusions that aren't very befitting of a lady sometimes, and the beginning of your essay is a perfect example of when I do. In my opinion you can describe a canvas in a different way, without giving it the appearance of something else... I know it's uncorrect of me to say that, but it was a red flag in my mind.

"...what I am supposed to do: make a choice towards my future, determine my path."

"...the very first page of Vassar's handbook."
I don't understand at first what kind of book you're talkng about, but maybe the admission will because it's their own... if they do, that's all that's important, but make sure they would.

"Reluctantly, my fingers touch the side of the paper and turn to the next page."

"...international students and gives them the opportunity to receive an excellent education, even though they might not be able to financially support it ."

The part in red seems very negative to me, and I would omit it.

"The next pages kept me throughout hooked."
Awkward wording.

Overal your style is beautiful, and I can tell how passionate you are about Vassar. Are you sending this to the Jan. 01 deadline? Good luck.
OP poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 30, 2009   #10
@ KupcakeKim
Thanks for reading and correcting those errors.
Though, I am puzzled. I know I come to conclusions that aren't very befitting of a lady sometimes, and the beginning of your essay is a perfect example of when I do.

What do you exactly mean by that?

AND, no, there is no limit to Vassar's essay (in the supplement of Vassar there is a box where you can write the "why" with a max of 500 char. OR you can upload a document - no word limit!)
jkminor2010 2 / 9  
Dec 30, 2009   #11
I went on the vassar site to check because i'm also applying and they said that the maximum is 2 double spaced pages. Idk why it says 500 characters on the common app
umulbaneen 4 / 27  
Dec 30, 2009   #12
wow your essay is really something
substance

wow. i think many people should read your essay to understand the different types of wriing styles so that essays come out to be representative of diversity the colleges need!!!

goodluck
OP poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 30, 2009   #13
Wow, thank you so much! :)
Im so glad you enjoyed it
OP poisonivy 14 / 102  
Jan 1, 2010   #14
Guys, could you give me any last suggestions please? (I'm submitting this in 10 min!)
s61001234 7 / 14  
Jan 1, 2010   #15
I really like your essay
It has a natural flow and captivating imagination

Your essay would be even more better to describe how Vassar's academic program fit you
for example, Vassar's multidisciplinary program, field work program to Albany or NYC, and close-knit house system

Overall,
your essay is impressive
OP poisonivy 14 / 102  
Jan 1, 2010   #16
thanks for your opinions. I just submitted this :)


Home / Undergraduate / why vassar essay - "My canvas"