Vassar Addeundum
The Common Application Transfer Essay asks you to address 'your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.' Please either tailor this essay specifically to Vassar, or else include an addendum that answers the following questions: *Describes your academic and other involvements to date and explain how Vassar would serve you better than your current school, or is the next logical step in your education.
My first attempt was the Jewish Fraternity, Alpha Epsilon Pi. Joining this fraternity helped me adjust to the college transition, and I met people I could relate with but Greek life, for the most part, revolves around partying, casual sex, and beer drinking; three things that hinder my soul search. I also became very active in Hillel and the Democrats Club - other opportunities to meet people like me.
Vassar's renowned and highly respected professors teach the lectures, grade the papers and test, and even invite students over for dinner. Professors who make themselves available to me and who share my immutable passion for learning, not only make a warm academic environment, but also greatly motivate me and give me someone to look up to. The core curriculum is insignificant because Vassar wants to challenge their students to steer in their own academic direction. I will have the freedom to create a major with the concentrations suited to my passions and goals.
Vassar's stereotypical open minded and progressive students lack materialism and conformity. Economic, religious, ethic and racial diversity on campus will encourage me to show off the quirky, philosophical, and nerdy person I am without hiding behind insecurity and attempts to "normal." Additionally, I will meet others who take of their "cool jackets" to show me what is underneath. My forced awkward, and insubstantial conversations with Media-followers will be minimized.
Vassar offers me opportunity enter an uninhibited, accepting, and open minded social community while simultaneously studying with top-notch professors. My unique and self-chosen major helps me easily become a well-rounded and sophisticated student. Vassar's enriching environment is one in which I will succeed.
This starts very abruptly. First atempt at what? Maybe you need to add one more sentence to the beginning of the first paragraph so that the first sentence becomes the second sentence.
No comma necessary here: immutable passion for learning not only make a warm academic environment but also greatly motivate me and give me someone to look up to.
Vassar's stereotypical open minded and progressive students lack materialism and conformity. --- what?! I don't get it. are you saying Vassar's students are typically open-minded and progressive and that they tend not to be materialistic or conformist? If so, don't use the word "lack" because it implies that they should have more materialism and conformity... and I don't think that is what you mean.
The last sentence is about an "enriching environment," and I think you could come up with a better last sentence! :-)
