Vastness of the COSMOS; NYU / What Intrigues You?

So I just finished this and I would certainly appreciate anyone's opinion on it.

Here's the question: What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you. (max 1500 characters)

The vastness of the cosmos; it's remarkably serene, with perfect silence. Though the most violent and unforgiving of environments. This poised equilibrium yields innate beauty, which has intrigued me since adolescence.

Lying in the dew kissed grass under the night sky with my father by my side. Crystal above us, the millions of stars exquisitely glistened. My eyes trickled across the deep blue atmosphere, and made their way to the glowing full moon, illuminating the branches it hid behind. I would imagine myself on the surface, jumping higher and higher, looking back upon Earth, my home and family.

My father spoke on about Venus, which blazed a brilliant white in the corner of sky. He indicated the constellations, the big dipper and Polaris; elaborated on the distances of Betelgeuse and the other planets in our solar system. I'd elected Bellatrix my favorite star, largely because it sounded pretty. The way he spoke with such insight, such excitement, lit within me the flame of enthusiasm and wonder toward the cosmos.

Over the years my interest has matured, to a more scientific one, as I eagerly absorb any information fed to me. What's most intriguing however is how changes occur without observable recognition. Catastrophic endings and beautiful births of stars occur much like a dance; the same steps with short bursts of something different. How the familiar night sky is actually a glimpse into the history of the universe, when so many people look up to it for answers to the future.

It is a good essay with a lot of details. You hit every point of the prompt: What intrigues you, Tell us about it, and explain its significance.


If the universe is repeating itself, then isn't it a indicator of the past and the future?

Read mine too please

So here's my other supplement statement for NYU:

NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

It was the first concert of the Empire State Youth Orchestra season, and to say I was exhilarated would've been an understatement. I was stoked to perform in the Troy Savings Bank Music Hall, and every premiere concert of the ESYO season is especially unique. We ascended the narrow staircase, and gleaming lights greeted us as we emerged on stage; everything became surreal. Nothing can compare to performing, inspiring with the music you create; the adrenaline of playing the final movement. I knew then performance was what I wanted to do with my life.

Since beginning violin studies, music has been my largest academic interest. I've participated in any ensemble I could, joining extracurricular ensembles, volunteering to lead sectionals and student lessons; joining the a cappella group. Music has shaped my high school career and my life, and receiving education from Steinhardt at NYU would further my intentions as a musician. Being in the prime location for a performance major, I can experience exquisite concert halls and world-class musicians. NYU's location in New York City would embolden my opportunities as an aspiring violinist.

Conjointly, since a young age I've been very artistic. I'm the kid with bundles of drawings in their desk; the house littered with countless paintings and supplies. The visual arts are another academic interest. With NYU's broad spectrum of classes, I could fulfill both passions and opportunely incorporate them as I become the artist I aspire to be.

-seems unnecessary. You add in a minor topic near the end which , though it hits the prompt, deviates from the rest of the essay.

Overall it's nicely written. You hit the point of "what are your own academic interests?"

Read my cultural background essay please :)

Thanks for all your help!! So do you think I should just get rid of the last paragraph then?

yes and probably specify a little more on your musical interest if possible :)

Yes, however I intend to study both music and art, shouldn't I state those intentions?

ahh. then yes, but try to merge it with the 2nd to last paragraph since the "why you want to attend" usually ends the essay