A New Perspective
About 8 years ago, my parents decided that my family and I were going to move from Venezuela, our home country, to the United States. Though it was certainly a difficult decision at first, they decided that it was the best resolution for our family. Just as many people would react, I was apprehensive to move to a new environment where I barely knew the language spoken, the traditions, and others. We however, stood strong as a family and moved to the unknown. This change of environment not only helped us learn a new language and traditions but over the course of time, it gave my family and I a new perspective in life.
Though it has taken time and various experiences for us to realize, we have come to find that there is no one idea that is correct. Therefore, that everyone is different. Our first few years in the United States were tough at times because almost everything that we were used to, worked in a different way. The school system, how formal or informal people dressed, what they ate, how they did things on a daily basis, what the definition of fun was, and many other daily activities were different to the ones of my home country. Despite all of this, my family and I adapted and accepted the differences for what they were. After being exposed to different cultures, ideas, and way of doing things, I realized that not everything is meant to work a certain way. For example, one big difference I noted from the very first day of school here in America was the way teachers taught and how they graded. Back at home, teachers were strict with handwriting, they taught through theories and definitions, and tested with comprehensive tests rather than with standardized tests. In the U.S. it was the opposite. Teachers graded their students with the multiple choice method, they were not as strict with handwriting and presentation, and taught much of their courses with worksheets and activities. With this in mind, who is to say that the way the school system is run in one country is better than the other? This experience is one of the many different ways that I have realized that everyone is different and therefore, that because they are different, one does not necessarily over power the other or is correct and the other person is incorrect.
I really like the way you compared the school systems here and in venezuela but i think you should end with an application of the differences between the two for your future plans. Show that this difference made you learn to become adaptable to a changing environment and to cope with anything that is thrown at you or something like that. It's a good thing to talk about your past, but end by showing how your past has shaped who you are and your intensions for your future. I hope this helps.
please read mine!
I think you have an unnecessary detail that the reader can figure out without your help:
About 8 years ago, my parents decided that my family and I were going to move from Venezuela, our home country, to the United States. ----part of your job as a writer is to cut out all the extra weight from the essay. :-)
I would like to move your however:
We stood strong as a family,however, and moved to the unknown.
Another idea for you:
It has taken time and various experiences for us to realize that there is no single idea that is correct.
Back at home, teachers were strict about handwriting, they taught through theories and definitions, and they tested with comprehensive tests rather than with standardized tests.
You have some great ideas here. I think you just need to add a bit more discussion to the conclusion so that the reader can know what it all means. Tell us the "moral of the story" in the conclusion.
