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'The Veterinarian Profession' - Vet Camp Admission


AnimalLover101 1 / 3  
Dec 23, 2011   #1
Hi! I'm new to EssayForum and this is my first post. Right now I am writing two short essays for an admission to a vet camp in the summer. This camp is very competitive. Only 30 kids get in. This is my 3rd time trying and I haven't gotten in yet. I have to write two short essays for the application. There is no maximum or minimun words or any rules. It would just have to answer the question. I will post both on here. Plese give me feedback on these two short essays! I really want to go to this camp!

The Veterinarian Profession

The veterinarian profession is a wondrous profession filled with satisfaction, working with animals as well as people, being a leader in the community, and being respected as a person. Veterinarians work hard to overcome the problems that occur in their profession. They work hard in order to have the satisfaction of curing animals, as well as people's hopes. They receive the opportunity to see a living creature heal before their eyes. They have a caring heart for all of God's creatures and the people who own them.

To me, the veterinarian profession is a profession that is one of the most rewarding in the work field. Whether it is owning a small practice or working on a farm, every person in the veterinary profession is happy at doing their job. They are satisfied with their work. I want a job that I will enjoy doing. I want a profession that will be long lasting and worth all of the hard work preparing for it. That is the veterinary profession.

In the veterinary profession, veterinarians have the opportunity to help people as well as animals! The main focus is of course animals, but it is the people who own the animals and care for their welfare. Caring for animals gives a sense of pride and joy of the ability to cure a living creature. On the farm, if my cattle are giving birth, I have a sense of protection for them. I want to see that they have their baby safely. I want the cow and the calf to be happy and healthy. With veterinarians, they have the opportunity to care for all types of animals! Big or small! They get to see their hard work come to play. I want to be able to help other animals, not just the ones that I own.

Those who work in the veterinary field are leaders in the community. Because they are leaders, they also earn respect from others. Veterinarians are bright, and have an enthusiastic nature. Their ability to work hard and their concern with the welfare of animals causes others to look upon them with respect. The profession revolves around the caring for others and their animals, not just making money.

In conclusion, there are many aspects of the veterinarian profession that interests me. Because there are many different aspects of being a veterinarian, I have done various preplanning exercises. With academics, I am enrolled in the academic version of all of my classes. I am also a part of our State Champion Spell Bowl team. In 4-H, I am the secretary of my 4-H club. I have also been the President and Vice President as well. I show beef cattle and horses every year in 4-H as well. Caring for an animal and preparing it for a show has taught me responsibility and hard work. I am also a part of the Junior Leaders Club in 4-H. This club teaches me how to become a leader in my community and school. I am the reporter for my FFA chapter. I am also a part of the FFA Livestock Judging team. For community work, I volunteer regularly at the humane society. At the humane society, I teach dogs basic commands, clean, give shots, and help those who are looking for a pet to adopt. During the summer, I also volunteer at a small animal veterinary clinic. At the clinic, I help with spay and neuter surgeries, popping syringes, paperwork, general cleaning, laundry, and answering the phone. This has taught me to connect with more animals and others in my community. With my family, I have helped started a new church in Bloomington, Indiana as well. I have connected with those in the community and have invited them to come to church. With living on a farm, I have come across various special cases in caring for animals. When I was in the 6th grade, I got the opportunity of raising, caring, and teaching a puppy to lead a blind person one day. My local veterinarian gave me discounts on shots and checkups! I learned how to teach a dog to do a specially trained task. I also showed her at the Indiana State Fair in the leader dog division where we won first place. I had to take my puppy all over town to get her used to different sights and smells. I had the opportunity to take her to school! But after a year, my puppy had to be taken back to the Leader Dogs for the Blind facility in Rochester, Michigan for special training. She ended up graduating in the top two percent! Training a Leader Dog for the blind taught me to give my time and love towards others who are in need. Another special case I ran into was caring for an off-the-track race horse. When he came to my farm, he was malnourished, beaten, and had anemia. It took months for me to cure him of his malnourishment and anemia. But after time, he acquired health and trust for humans again! He taught me compassion and critical equine care In conclusion, all of these encounters have better prepared me for the interesting and rewarding veterinary profession.

What do I plan to get out of Boiler Vet Camp?

What do I plan to get out of Boiler Vet Camp? Well, perhaps everything! The Boiler Vet Camp is a great opportunity for me to explore the veterinary profession and learn life lessons while pursuing it. The Boiler Vet Camp is also centered at one of the top vet schools in the country! It also provides the opportunity for meeting others who have the same love for animals as I do! I want to get everything possible out of Boiler Vet Camp.

The Boiler Vet camp would give me a greater knowledge of the veterinary profession, and how I would be able to attain it. Even by applying to Boiler Vet Camp, I would receive life lessons such as perseverance, and not giving up because of the competition that is involved in applying. After reading the Boiler Vet Camp overview, I want to be able to soak up all of the information given on the parasitology surgery, and the medical check-ups of canines. The tour of Purdue would be able to give me an insight of the university I would like to attend for Veterinary school. Even by staying in the residence hall, I would be able to get an insight of dorm life! Even though by attending Boiler Vet I would learn about the surgery procedure and basic care, I would be able to connect with more animals! For the 2012 camp, I would be able to "foster" a dog. Along with learning about spaying and neutering, critical care, and behavior, I would have the opportunity to truly help this animal in connecting with humans. Along with the hands on training, the camp would teach me more about the famous profession. I want to achieve the goal of taking on the career of the Veterinary profession. Therefore, the Boiler Vet Camp would be a great opportunity for teaching me more about enduring the hardships and enjoyments of the treasured career.

In conclusion, I plan to get many things out of attending Purdue's Boiler Vet Camp. Being able to expand on the knowledge of the veterinary profession, visit Purdue's campus, experience dorm life, network with others, and meet others who share the same love and knowledge of more medical care are all keys of the camp. However, last but not least, attending Boiler Vet camp would give me the opportunity of experiencing my dream of training and taking care of animals.
menukagrg 7 / 98  
Dec 23, 2011   #2
The second essay is fine. There seems to be quite a number of "want to get" type sentence starters. So maybe work on that.

The first essay needs to be more personal, something i only got at the last four sentences of your essay. I don't know how literary you are allowed to be, or how technical you are suppose to get but if your essay is meant to show your passion and not your experience, then i think you should start rewriting your essay. If it is otherwise, then you should still write better sentences. The intro passage isn't needed. The word "Veterinary Profession" is being used a little too often. I hope this isn't too harsh.

I am sorry i am not much of a help. But let me know if you have questions.

Best of luck :)
Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Dec 28, 2011   #3
Hi, I can try to help with a few things. Your essays look very well done. Somethings you may want to fix:

Well, perhaps everything available! You may want to remove the word perhaps ( it makes you sound unsure) Maybe say "Of course, everything that is available."

The Boiler Vet Camp is a great opportunity for me to explore the Veterinary profession and learn life lessonswhile pursuing it. "while pursuing it" could be removed to simplify the sentence.

You seem to over-use exclamation points in this paragraph. You are repeating the word "opportunity" too many times.

The Boiler Vet camp would give me a greater knowledge of the Veterinary profession, life skills, an insight of Purdue University, and knowledge. In this sentence, you repeat what you have already said, you should think of a new, different reason. Make as many good points as you can, to show your enthusiasm.

By applying to Boiler Vet Camp, I receive life lessons such as perseverance. You should consolidate all the "life lessons" into a few sentences alltogether, you have sprinkled them throughout the paper, but it would sound better to list them off in a few sentences, then move on to the other things you are saying.

...an insight of Purdue University, and knowledge. By applying to Boiler Vet Camp, I receive life lessons such as perseverance. I learn not to give up on something I have a passion for. The tour of Purdue would give me an insight of the University I want to attend for Veterinary school. These two sentences both state that you will get insight... you say that twice, which is repetitive.

Besides the things I mentioned, I think you have a solid essay. These things are easily fixed. Good luck!
OP AnimalLover101 1 / 3  
Dec 29, 2011   #4
Thank you so much for giving advice! It means a lot. I will fix those things and put up another revision up later today. What about the Veterinarian profession? Is there anything wrong with that one? Do you think I could be accepted into this camp?


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