What are the top five reasons you want to attend Virginia Tech.
I am over the word count limit which is 250 words so if you have any idea of how I can shorten it without completely changing it please let me know! Also, did I distinguish between the 5 reasons that I wanted to attend Virginia Tech well enough? Please proofread! Thanks
When growing up in Southern Virginia, loving Virginia Tech is almost as important as loving country music. This college is less than two hours from my home and since I am the youngest of seven children being close is vital for their peace of mind and my comfort. However, I will be leaving my family here and creating a new one in Blacksburg, Virginia. When I attended the Virginia Tech versus Miami football game this fall the feeling of belonging with thousands of other people was overwhelming. I dream of being a part of the Hokie Nation and family after witnessing the bond athletics bring among the students. Even though that was my first experience at a college football game, I have spent over two months living in the dorms of Virginia Tech and experiencing a touch of college life. Through FFA state conventions and Governor's School for Agriculture, I have lived in comfortable Peddrew-Yates and hot, especially in July, Pritchard Hall; enjoyed dinner at D2; and played ultimate frisbee on the Drillfield. During this time on campus, I fell in love and knew that this is where I wanted to spend the next four years of my life. Governor's School for Agriculture also allowed me the privilege to meet several esteemed professors such as Dr. Ellerbrock and Dr. McKenna, who showed me what a passion for learning really looked like. I want to expand my knowledge as much as possible and with professors like these two men I know that is possible. The Animal and Poultry Science major seems like a true fit for me due to my love for animals. I am considering a career in veterinary medicine, so the veterinary college on campus is a huge benefit and a place I hope to attend one day. Virginia Tech is my dream school for the above reasons and I would be honored to be admitted to their university.
I will try to help with making your essay a little shorter. Try: "I am the youngest of seven children, and my home is only two hours away from the campus, so being close to family is vital." Add a comma after "game this fall" Also, you could say, "I had a sense of belonging that overwhelmed me." Maybe say "Athletics create a bond among students and the Hokie nation, and it is invigorating!" "Even though that was my first experience at a college football game"-- You could shorten this. "Since my first college football game..." It is apparent that you are very enthusiastic, and you seem very motivated. This essay touches on your values as a person and a student, the reasons are all there, without sounding "choppy" or disjointed.
The college is less than two hours from my home, and, since I am the youngest of seven children, being close is vital for their peace of mind. However, I will be leaving my family here and creating a new one in Blacksburg, Virginia. When I attended the football game between Virginia Tech and Miami this fall, the feeling of belonging with thousands of other people was overwhelming.
I don't really like the first sentence; it makes it sound like you're going somewhere close because your family wants that. Try rewording it or omitting it altogether.
You seem to know a lot about the school. I'm applying to Tech to but i know nothing about it :D
I must say that this is a very good personal statement. You made it personal and gave specific details about VT. We actually took my sick dog to the vetinary hospital in Blacksburg. I am sure that you will get a lot out of the program at Tech. I wish you all the best!