In my vicinity rife with laborers, masons and carpenters, finding manpower is no problem

Technology for conservation of natural resources

Hi i have restructured the whole essay.I am looking forward to study towards a career in environmental studies with focus on accessibility of solar and wind powered electricity as well as water conservation and green living.I would like to know if i am getting my point across properly in this essay.

In my vicinity rife with laborers, masons and carpenters, finding manpower to help execute my plans is no problem. With my I have a dream-like speeches, I get the help needed. We dug out channels to direct rain into deep quarrying pits and unused sewage pits to store water for the dry season and minimize the flooding of our valley when it rains. But there is more I want to do. I think about the intensity of heat in the dry season and abundant sun during the day and the winds that run from the mountains through our valley and I yearn for a time when we can fully utilize these resources.

I am the girl nicknamed akukuru bini (the dung beetle in my local dialect); I collect cattle droppings for our farm and sell some to other farmers. I am the take it apart and try to fix it girl. When mum saved for a second hand diesel generator to light a few bulbs at night during the rainy season, it did not last past a week. I opened the crankcase and tried to repair the problem I didn't know. I couldn't figure how to get the generators rotor off the engines output shaft. A look inside the machine made me wonder what goes on in here. I had made too many assumptions with my little knowledge from high school electronic physics lessons and realized I was clearly not prepared enough to take on a second hand diesel generator.

I am lover of rain. I love a good snuggle on a rainy night, listening to the rain drops and feeling the showers cool my skin as they smash through the insect mesh netting windows. In a heavy rain storm my mum my sister and I put out the candles and sit round the lantern and tell stories to keep our mind of the fact that the water soaks probably a lot of our clothes. Though rain causes misery, it causes the total opposite to me. I am the there must be a better way to do this kind of girl. I enjoy watching the crowd of water run down the wooden channels I constructed along the roof into the collecting buckets (a maximized output as compared to before when we would align the buckets along the edge of the roof). I am happy when it's all dark and gloomy with rain pelting down. I love cold weather with big, heavy rain drops amidst lots of blustery wind that makes the trees sway and the clouds race across the sky. It just brings the world to life!!

In the world I come from when it's a month past the end of the dry season and there is no sign of rain, all the grass is brown and the corn and other crops we have planted wilt. I read stories about how people challenge the boundaries of their knowledge and understanding and forge on to convert their dreams into celebrated reality. My dream is to repair and live to fully utilize the sun and rain. I have read about the benefits technology in the efficient utilization and conservation of natural resources and I want to understand the technology, innovate and contribute to new developmentsto improve accessibility of s

I got stuck at the conclusion but i would work on that.Please lend me your suggestions, advice and critiques.Thank you in advance.

For me, it's kind of lacking positive energy. You need to show how optimistic you are to fix the problem's in your surrounding.

Thank you very much I would fix that and post it asap...

This second draft shows a lot more your passion for technology and for "fixing things". Don't worry about not getting your point accross, it is very clear and is in fact very well illustrated.

A few things I noticed;
"It just brings the world to life" is too "typical" of a sentence, while the rest of your essay is spoken through your own voice which we can distinguish, this sentence changes the tone back to a shallow statement, if this makes any sense?

In the conclusion, you may want to change "I read stories" to "I have read stories", it flows better with the following sentence where you wrote "I have read about the benefits..."

I hope this helps! I'd really appreciate it if you take a look at my essays, I could really use some advice/criticism. Thanks in advance and good luck!