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"I was a victim of bullying"; Flagler Undergrad Admission Essay

alexisf908 1 / -  
Feb 25, 2014   #1
The College requires an essay and considers it a vital component in the selection of students. Tell us something about your past experiences, present and future goals and how Flagler College fits into these goals. Be sure to stay on topic and write a carefully considered, grammatically correct essay with a minimum of 250 words.

Throughout elementary school I was just a bright, loving, happy, energetic little girl, but once middle school came around all of that changed drastically; I was a victim of bullying. Next comes high school. You'd think all would be better going into a new school with more mature kids, right? No, I was fooled too. In fact, the bullying became far much worse. I couldn't face the mean kids everyday so I started skipping school, coming in late almost everyday, and I even faked sick just to be sent home for the day. This, of course, caused my grades to plummet, horrendously. My parents and I made the decision to send me, not only a new school in a new town, but to a new school in a whole new state. In the summer of 2011, I had moved with my mom from Pennsylvania to Delaware. The first day of my new school, was the best first day of school...ever! I knew I was safe and could be at ease which Flagler will also allow me to do. Flagler offers a safe haven in which I can be myself and feel surrounded by a welcoming atmosphere. In my years following high school, I hope to attend Flagler College graduating with a degree in Psychology. I would like to help victims overcome their predators, whether that'd be: bullying, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, learning disabilities, or a mental illness of brain vs. self. Flagler will allow me to achieve these goals of helping "ill" people become well again.


GalPacino 2 / 3  
Feb 25, 2014   #2
Over all, I think the essay is pretty good. I would expand upon why Flagler would be a "safe haven" for you, though. Like, why is it any safer than any other college? I also think it might be more effective if you split your first few sentences into paragraphs. Like,

In elementary school all was well...

But in middle school...

Then high school...

It's just a stylistic note but I think it'll sound more dramatic that way. Good luck!

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