I'm an international student. I'm aiming for UCLA and UC Davis. Please help me with my essay, i'll take every comment seriously
Thanks
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
I am a Vietnamese. And in Vietnam, the race in which people striving for honors and positions has been the very tough challenge that enables each of us to actually reach what we aim for. For we students, that race has always been the process of learning and competing. Not only has it been the criteria which determine the value and the future of a student but it also strengthens the effort and inclination of a student to achieve success.
In my country, from the very early stage of settling, education had been placed as the first standard for seeking gifted students. Although the process was greatly different from that of today, the spirit has always been the same. Sometimes a student keeps studying day to night without even stopping. And extra classes are inevitable. But I have realized that it is not about how many hours one has spent learning or how much knowledge one has obtained. Instead, it is about how people eventually acknowledge the true purpose as well as the meaning of what they have learned and therefore, are able to put that into practice. However, in the world of challenge and competition, people seem to forget that and only focus on their goals.
I have thank my world for making me become intrigued to study, to compete, to challenge, to reach for the top, and to change for the better. Nevertheless, I also blame it for making students become unaware of the real purpose of studying. When I was younger, my friends and I often asked each other: 'Why are we studying this? What is it for?'. And still, there has been no particular answer for those questions.
Somehow, I started to have dreams. The dreams where I get to study and challenge as usual but in another kind of environment, the dreams in which people have freedom of speech to request a change in policies without worrying about oppression, the dreams where people do what they know and know why they do it. So the only way to make those dreams come true is to explore the real world, the world where education is also considered important but not pressures, the world where I can still compete in a race with consciousness of positive educational value. And that explains why I have chosen America to be my destination, because I know in America I will have that chance to experience true education, to compete with various people around the world, and more importantly, to fulfill my dreams.
And still, there has been no particular answer for those questions.
For we students, that race has always been the process of learning and competing. Not only has it been the criteria which determine the value and the future of a student but it also strengthens the effort and inclination of a student to achieve success.
"To the students" not for we
"the race has always been about learning" race and competing have the same meanings so remove competing. Add education or learning before not.And still, there has been no particular answer for those questions.
however, we didnt find the answer for our questions.
