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"her Vietnam as a prison" - What matters to you and why?


mannequin 1 / 2  
Aug 6, 2011   #1
This is my essay for the above prompt. I'm a bit iffy, because I'm not sure I did a good job answering the questions. I'm also not sure how to end it either. Any comments would be appreciated!

My mom always referred to her Vietnam as a prison - a land where people harbored ideas, voices, and dreams that would never materialize. I was pleasantly oblivious to the horrors of the world until she provided me with accounts of life in a warring nation under the Communist regime. They were unsettling and alarming, but helped to instill within me a drive to pursue my dreams with confidence and determination.

And so, I have been in pursuit my entire life. I always will be. The world is an endless grab bag of opportunities, chances for me to further explore myself, my passions, and my capabilities. My goal is to overcome the fear of failure and take advantage of what I am given. Being a person with high hopes for her future, I know that life will involve many risks and challenges. Unless I accept these, I couldn't possibly reach my full potential.

Entering high school, I was faced with the International Baccalaureate, an accelerated curriculum. The work seemed copious, as did the stress. Still, I enrolled. In doing so, I met remarkable teachers who pushed me to produce exceptional work. I also encountered more failed tests and late nights than I care to remember. But good or bad, each experience contributed to the ambitious and hardworking person I am today, someone who wouldn't be here had I shied away from the task.

If I succeed, then my efforts and passion will have been rewarded. If I don't, then what shame is there in failing to pursue a lofty ideal? With that in mind, I resolve to always be a proactive and ambitious individual, undaunted by anything that lies ahead.
morganday123 2 / 4  
Aug 6, 2011   #2
After reading this, I was a little bit confused as to what you are trying to say. I think you should put the essay aside and write down one sentence that answers the prompt. Then go back to your essay and see what you should alter or add. However, what you mentioned about yourself is great, and exactly what colleges are looking for. It just needs to be more obvious; what matters to you?
OP mannequin 1 / 2  
Aug 6, 2011   #3
Thanks for the input; that's exactly my concern. I was trying to convey that being a "go-getter" and working hard to fulfill my dreams are what matter to me, but I guess that got lost in my writing.


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