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Villanova - "one outfit completely altered my own esteem like no other"


savyivan 1 / -  
Jan 14, 2015   #1
This is my writing supplement for Villanova about a lesson learned. I am trying to figure out what corrections or alterations to make. HELPPPP!!

One of the principles of Villanova, as an Augustinian university founded on the teachings of St. Augustine, is that students and faculty learn from each other. As you imagine yourself as a member of the Villanova community, what is one lesson that you have learned in your life that you will want to share with others?

In my sophomore year of high school, one outfit completely altered my own esteem like no other. I look back on this experience and think of how it improved my strive impress myself. High school and social media are the judge, jury, and the ultimate social executioner. I was inspired and unbelievably determined to buy a pair of bright red skinny jeans from Forever 21. The decision to buy these pants became resolute in the moment they appeared in the same color as a screaming stop light. Of course this was one of my first ventures into the world of fashion and the exact "rules" were not fully clear to me.The real excitement set in when the first day back to school I planned the entire outfit beforehand with a purple and pink gingham shirt with a beanie to match my fresh and new pants. It was with my newfound outfit that part of me mostly perceived a "dress to impress" mentality. I had the necessity to establish my fashion sense to people to gain a social reputation, however I delved into social notoriety. The Roast of Xavier Garcia began as my friends teared me apart from the inside out. What I had thought to be an outfit that would propel me to high school stardom eventually gave me an entirely different reputation that stuck with me throughout my social career. The way to describe that single day is only from what Franklin D. Roosevelt said after the attacks on Pearl Harbor in one of his most famous speeches of his presidential terms as, "A date that will live in infamy." Although I thought I exuded confidence and fashionable prowess, my friends, for my own well-being, did not concur with my outfit's "unique" style. Instead what I meant to be a wardrobe impression became an experience that I cannot forget. I showed a hollow surface that tried to impress others but not myself. I think it is because of this experience that I learned impressing only others and not myself with material things can be disastrous. Now I take every decision I make with the assurance of myself. I feel this assurance impresses me and in turn impressing myself gives me confidence to become better through learning from mistakes and finding ways to improve on them. As I continue to mature and develop, The feeling of a challenge or other ways to impress myself never seems to leave me. It is that feeling of achievement that I want to keep flowing and I feel Villanova provides enough challenge and vigor to keep surprising what I can accomplish.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Jan 15, 2015   #2
Xavier, this essay does not really provide a thought provoking lesson that would make an impression on the admissions officers reading it. You have shown that you are taking the theme of the prompt quite lightly and did not really give great thought to the best way that you can answer the essay. The lesson that you learned from that day is shallow and not life changing. There is nothing in your response that shows how this event in your life has taught you something that you believe will help you become an asset to the university community should you become a student there. Try to strive for a deeper story and lesson that will truly make a mark upon the admissions officer and have him going "I should recommend this student, he may be an asset to the community". Unfortunately, a fashion statement story, unless used for applying to a fashion school, is not really the kind of material that can work to your benefit in such a religious university.
imcalling911 - / 1  
Jan 15, 2015   #3
This is my writing supplement for Villanova about a lesson learned. I am trying to figure out what corrections or alterations to make. HELPPPP!!
thojoe - / 1  
Jan 15, 2015   #4
Your piece is striking. But it could be improved with words that express exactly what you mean to say. For example - "I look back on this experience and think of how it improved my strive impress myself." Apart from its wrong grammar, wouldn't "I value this experience that taught me the importance of being self-assured, more than trying to impress others." be better? Sometimes, brevity carries more punch. Thus, "The only way to describe that single day is with the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt after the attacks on Pearl Harbor- "A date that will live in infamy." may be what you need, instead of "The way to describe that single day is only from what Franklin D. Roosevelt said after the attacks on Pearl Harbor in one of his most famous speeches of his presidential terms as, "A date that will live in infamy."


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