Hey so I'm a bit unsure about my essay here because I know the prompt will make it really easy to be super corny and cliche so I'm trying to stay away fromt hat, but I don't know if it's working. I would like some feedback mainly about if I have fully answered the prompt and if you at all get a sense of who I am as a person.
Thank you so much!
One of the core values of Villanova, as an Augustinian university founded on the teachings of St. Augustine, is that students and faculty learn from each other. As you imagine yourself as a member of the Villanova community, what is one lesson that you have learned in your life that you will want to share with others?
I come from the world of sandy hands and salty hair, where the beach is never far away, and summer seems like it can never come quickly enough. During the long summer days of my childhood, I spent my mornings at the beach with my grandpa. He taught me how to surf, hunt for sand crabs, and enjoy the good fortune we had to live in Southern California. We would arrive early, when the beach was still socked in with the morning fog and we had the sand and surf to ourselves. And by the end of our trip, when the sun had finally come out and our swimsuits were filled with sand, and our eyelashes and eyebrows coated in salt, we were content.
Each day was the same during my summers: beach with Grandpa, lunch with Grandma, playing outside, to be repeated the next day. Both my parents worked full-time so my sister and I would be at our grandparents' house the entire day, basking in their love and the sun outside. They were the entertainers, the spoilers, and most importantly, the teachers. My grandmother is perhaps the smartest person I know. In my family, she has always been called Dr. Grandma, for her encyclopedia-like knowledge of illnesses and anything else, and her never-ending quest for knowledge has shaped me into the motivated person I am today. Likewise, my grandpa has had a huge influence on the formation of my values and ideals. He never ceases to amaze me with his generosity and acceptance of others.
Things have changed since my childhood though. A number of years ago, my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, which I was prepared for due to his family history, but not always willing to accept. I have seen him change, and the attitudes toward him change. In many ways, he has always been a stubborn man, always standing firmly behind his ideas. But the Alzheimer's has exacerbated the situation. He lives by his habits and routines and lets no one get in the way. He has lost his ability to hold on to memories, and so he holds onto the only thing he can: his schedule.
It has put stress on my family to see him struggling with the disease, and we struggle too, not always knowing the best way to deal with him. It is so easy to become impatient and frustrated with his mannerisms. But I have always tried to fight against this tendency. I make a conscious effort not to ruffle his feathers, and to make sure that our relationship stays intact despite the difficulties.
I am fearful of the days when he begins to forget names, or where he lives, or who I am. But I know that it is inevitable, and the disease is going to progress. Because of this, I have committed to being the most patient person I can with him. I want to make sure that when I look back on our relationship, I don't regret my attitude. The challenges with my grandfather have taught me how to retain my composure even when I feel like growing frustrated. I do this because he is still the same grandpa who took me to the beach, who I bragged about to my friends because he could surf, and whose role in my life has been so large.
In college, I know that I will meet a multitude of new people, and it is likely that there will be some that I just don't get along with. It is in times like those that I will be able to look back on my experiences with my grandpa, and remember patience and understanding even when it is so easy not to. I can't change people, but I can change how I act towards them.
You write beautifully; this is really enjoyable to read. There is something I can help with, though... teaching you how to aim.
Look at all the different statements you make:
- our swimsuits were filled with sand...we were content.
- Each day was the same during my summers
- My grandpa never ceases to amaze me with his generosity and acceptance of others.
- Things have changed since my childhood though.
And you make a lot more statements, but the whole time, the AO reader will be looking for an answer to the question they posed. I don't think you use the word lesson in the essay at all.
So... I like all the content and I especially like your writing style, but try this format for clarity:
say it
explain it
say it again.
Tell about the lesson in the intro, I guess is what I'm saying.
:-0
