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Violence in my community - prompt 1


Crazychick7 1 / -  
Nov 25, 2011   #1
Describe the world you come from-for example, your family, community or school-and
tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
"Evelyn Gutierrez!" I stand up, excited as they announce my name to receive my high school diploma. My friends and classmates all dressed in their cap and gowns, cheering for me. As I reach to shake the principal's hand and receive my diploma, I hear a terrible rumbling sound; loud, that is when I wake up and realize that it was only a dream. The helicopter surrounds the area, with its alarming roars waking the habitants around the neighborhood. I glance at the clock only to discover that it is two in the morning. Suddenly I hear police sirens, one by one racing past my house, in a hurry to reach their destination. Then, the house trembling as the helicopter approaches. More sirens; there is too much noise invading my home and my thoughts. Knowing that I will not be fully awake for school in the morning, I stop and think, "what if I can contribute to reducing crime?"

Los Angeles, the beautiful city I was born and raised in. A city full of dreamers, people ready to change the world. But like any other beautiful city, Los Angeles has its flaws. One of this city's major flaws is the violence in it. It is said that sirens are the soundtrack of Los Angeles, due to the sirens we experience every day. The violence has made it very difficult for us to live a normal life. At times we are required to stay inside our homes until we are informed that it is safe to proceed with our duties.

Many see Los Angeles as a bad place, but it has actually encouraged me to pursue a career in criminal justice and contribute to reducing crime. My major goal is to make my neighborhood and my city a safer place for my family and its residents. My community has shaped who I am and has motivated me to become someone important in life, someone who can make a difference. Seeing an amazing city be consumed by the violence is a drastic, yet manageable event. The violence in my community is not an obstacle in my life; on the contrary, it continues to encourage me to grow as a person and accomplish my goals.
elenazafrul 4 / 10  
Nov 26, 2011   #2
I don't think that the part where you're telling about your dream is necessary. The prompt only wants you to describe your community, you don't really have to start the essay with that dream. Just go straight to the point. You could actually write more about the violence in your community if you cut the dream part of your essay.


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