virginia tech admission essay- I need help cutting it down

VT has three optional 250 word essays. My test scores and GPA are average, and I'm really hoping my essays will help me stand out. One topic gives you the option to explain bad grades, so I took advantage of this option to explain my personal life. The only problem is that it's 383 words instead of 250. I need help cutting it down because I can't make it any smaller without taking away from the essay. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

I slammed the front door behind me as I dashed down my driveway. I didn't know where I was headed, and I didn't care; I just wanted to get away. Tears distorted my vision and anger pulsed through every vein in my body. She had hurt me; the one person I cared most about, my mother, had let me down. My life was changing drastically and I was clinging to any source of stability I could grasp. But there was nothing to cling to. I walked fiercely over the autumn leaves that blazed red and orange against the pavement, like the blistering emotions burning inside of me. I sat down when I reached a cleared field at the top of my street, out of breath. I began reminiscing on the past couple of months. How did I get to this point? I wondered.

Following my parents' recent divorce, I discovered that my mother had been having an affair with my new stepdad. Along with taking up infidelity, she had also picked up his habit of drinking alcohol excessively. Our once close relationship had deteriorated rapidly. She went from being a loving mother to an angry time bomb, waiting to explode at the slightest provocation. My younger brother refused to deal with her drunken rampages and was threatening to move away to reside with my dad. My family had been ripped apart.

It wasn't until the end of my freshman year that my mother realized the extent of her transformation and sought out help through a family counseling service. But having my family disrupted so abruptly, so dramatically, had taken a toll on every facet of my life. This emotional crisis in my life deeply affected my well being, my relationship with friends, my ability to trust, and my performance in school. My grades my freshman year were mediocre, because that's all I felt that I was. I made the mistake of letting destructive emotions dictate my life. I have learned from this experience to stand strong against adverse changes in life and not allow them affect things that are important to me, such as my academics. Although my mother has never fully recovered from her issues, particularly alcoholism, I have continued to do well in school following this time period in my life.

I slammed the front door behind me as I dashed down my driveway. I didn't know where I was headed, and I didn't care; I just wanted to get away. Tears distorted my vision and anger pulsed through every vein in my body. She had hurt me; the one person I cared most about, my mother, had let me down. My life was changing drastically and I was clinging to any source of stability I could grasp. But there was nothingfelt I had no source of stability to cling to. I walked fiercely over the autumn leaves that blazed red and orange against the pavement, like the blistering emotions burning inside of me. I sat down when I reached a cleared field at the top of my street, out of breath. I began reminiscing on the past couple of months. How did I get to this point? I wondered.


This sounds strange. I assume you mean you discovered she had been having an affair with him *before* the divorce, or else it wouldn't be infidelity, but the time indicators you mention don't actually make this clear.

"Along with taking up infidelity, She had also picked up his habit of drinking alcohol excessively.begun drinking heavily. "

"I have continued to do well in school since then . following this time period in my life. "

You open with a narrative frame, and it seems odd to me that you don't come back to it in the conclusion at all. I don't know if other readers will feel the same way, though.

Too much of this essay is narrative, you're gonna need to focus more on what you learned from your experiences.

"I have learned from this experience to stand strong against adverse changes in life and not allow them affect things that are important to me, such as my academics."

What are the "things important to me"? Academics is way too vague to interest the readers, who no doubt read hundreds of essays about the "importance of academics." Try something that you participate in that really interests you: perhaps a favorite class, or an extracurricular activity. Anecdotes of how you overcame this would really strengthen the essay. Remember, you want to really stand out as a person in your essays, show more of yourself!

Thank you both very much. Those are all very helpful tips and ideas and I will be sure to implement them all on my essay. It's due in a couple of weeks with my app and I feel much more confident about it thanks to you two.

Just relax. The essay has room for both narrative parts and other parts directly related to your quest to get accepted. You can weave these together into a cohesive whole piece that will be the best of both types of writing. But all of the beginning should be a push to get to the end, which is convincing the committee you belong. Everything in the essay is for that purpose.