This is my first draft so any comment, critique, spelling or grammar correction will be more than welcome!
Thank you for your time!
Tell us about a time you used your creativity. This could be something you made, a project that you led, an idea that you came up with, or pretty much anything else. (*) (200-250 words)
In an attempt to increase local tourism, the mayor launched a school contest; it consisted to present an innovative product to be sold in a fair. Then, I came up with: "Virola"
The name came from the old nickname of my hometown, the surname of the first family who settled there.
Using a 50 square centimeters board I created a wonderland. It is a diced table game simulating the map of my city, with its real attractions such as "Ichanmichen tourist center", the Hawaiian beverage fountain, the Krusty Crab restaurant, the Gossip hair salon, the Mr. John grocery store and many other places which in fact are real parts of the city but are described in a suggestive and quirky way.
In the game, each of these places represent a station where you can stop by and do things you would do in real life and at the same time you gain, lose or interchange points along your crossing through the city.
The fame of "Virola" was spread out to the surrounding cities and many people came to visit the fair. My classmates and I sold around 150 hand-made boards.
I think the success relied on the creative and captivating rules and on the authenticity of the stations; everybody who knew my city must have felt identified with everything they saw, and for those who didn't, since that day they do.
That day we won the contest, but beyond that, we had pure fun made with our own hands.
Thank you very much in advance! :)
In an attempt to increase tourism in my city, the mayor....
Using a 50 square centimeter board....
are real partS of the city...
Start new paragraph after "quirk way"
For the purposes of the game, instead put - Here are the functions of the game:
"each of the place is an station"?!?!- Each structure represented a station where you...
Dont TELL us it was a success...let it show through your writing...talk about peoples reactions to the game and things of that nature
Thank you for the feedback, it was very helpful!!
What do you think about the essay as a whole?
Please, any commnent will be appreciated! :)
Thanks!
I think it'll be better with these two words omitted:
Using a 50 square centimeters, board I created a wonderland.
I think it is not necessary to say "board."
If you want to improve it, use good composition:
Write an interesting first sentence to grab the attention. Include about 4 or 5 sentences in the first paragraph. End the first paragraph with a proclamation of your main idea, your thesis statement. Then, let the first sentence of every paragraph be a "topic sentence" that gives the main idea of the paragraph.
Finish with a conclusion paragraph that explains the thesis statement again, using a whole para to reflect on it. Don't just let your last para be one sentence long.
:-)
Thank you so much for the suggestions!
I really appreciate it! :)
Have a great day!
