'A virtuoso in teaching' - Commonapp "short answer" essay

1. Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

A virtuoso in teaching? I can't tell whether I have completely mastered the art of teaching, but I can say with certainty that I have gained significant experience in the field.

Coming from an economically-disadvantaged background, I have spent the past decade of my life not only helping children of ages four to fourteen in my immediate community to realize that they can break free from the traditional mold of failure and poverty but also to imbibe moral virtues which will enable them fit perfectly into society, by helping them in their studies.

In my life, some of my most gratifying moments have emerged from tutoring experiences with others. When I get to see the look of understanding in these children's eyes, hear that tone of pastiche in their voice, or learn of their high test score or results of evaluations well received, my heart is warmed. The gratification for me is rising to the challenge of communicating a wide range of new concepts and ideas to people I know and venerate.

You can take out "A virtuoso in teaching?"

"I have spent the past decade of my life not only helping children of ages four to fourteen in my immediate community to realize that they can break free from the traditional mold of failure and poverty but also to imbibe moral virtues which will enable them fit perfectly into society, by helping them in their studies."

should be

I have spent the past decade of my life not only helping children of ages four to fourteen in my immediate community to realize that they can break free from the traditional mold of failure and poverty, but also imbibing moral virtues which will enable them fit perfectly into society --> take out "by helping them in their studies."

"or learn of their high test score or results of evaluations well received" replace with "or learn of their high scores"

"venerate" doesnt fit

Thanks Shtickball

Thank you Shadglore, I appreciate your input on my essay. I will follow through with Shtickball corrections.

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I can't tell whether I have completely mastered the art of teaching, but I can say with certainty that I have gained significant experience in the field.

Coming from an economically-disadvantaged background, I have not only spent the past decade of my life (not only ) helping children in my immediate community (of ) ages four to fourteen (in my immediate community to ) realize that they can break free from the traditional mold of failure and poverty, but also imbibing ( them with? ) moral virtues which will enable them fit perfectly into society.

In my life, some of my most gratifying moments have emerged from tutoring experiences with others. (When I get to see ) Seeing the look of understanding in these children's eyes, hearing that tone of pastiche in their voice, or learning of their high test scores, (my heart is warmed ) fills my heart with warmth . (The ) My gratification ( for me is ) comes from rising to the challenge of communicating a wide range of new concepts and ideas to people I know (and care for/about? ).

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Thank you..Alan!