FIT FMM Admissions essay. #2
So I am applying to FIT for the Fall 2015 semester as a transfer student. I'm having a little bit of. A problem with my essay and I don't know If I'm headed in the right direction with this one. PLEASE. ANY AND ALL FEEDBACK WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!
HERE ARE THE FIT ESSAY REQUIREMENTS - What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT? Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? The essay is also your chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities and accomplishments. (No more than 750 words, please.)
I've always had a vision of the life I saw for myself. Ever since I was younger, I had been obsessed with the idea of becoming a major fashion icon like Channel or Audrey Hepburn. I would sit for hours on end watching Project Runway, sketching drawings of my own, and researching YouTube videos on how to turn jeans into skirts, shirts into dresses etc. I had been so inspired just by the idea of fashion that I took sudden interest it. Upon further contemplation, I knew that my future would someway, somehow, involve fashion. No matter what it would take, I made a promise to myself that I would do anything and everything possible to make it into the fashion business. Fashion has definitely become a huge part of my life, I discovered a passion and thirst for success that I never knew I had. I've dedicated every decision in my life into making this dream a reality. One of the reasons I believe I am a perfect candidate for FIT is because my motivation, hard work and passion for something I believe in will bring great change to FIT. While attending FIT I plan to indulge myself in school functions and charities while also getting to know my peers and creating more opportunities for our community. Getting accepted into one of the best Fashion Colleges has always been a goal of mine. Over the last two years, I have learned many things about myself that has helped shaped me into the person I am today. I graduated high school in May, 2012. After high school, I knew that I wanted to take on Fashion Merchandise/Marketing as my number one focus. Unfortunately, because of finance issues, my plans did not go as planned. Of course, I knew I had to do something; I just was not sure where to start. As of March 2013, I started working with Macys (Michael Kors Handbags) where I had the chance to work with Michael Kors, and get more in depth of his products. Although my mind and heart is set on fashion, I have always been a curious and optimistic person, so I looked into the Disney College Program (DCP). The 'DCP' is an internship built for college students to enhance their resume and real life experiences. Once I read and researched everything there was to know about this internship, I could not stop thinking about it. When I put my mind to something, I do whatever it takes to make it happen. In September 2013, I started taking classes at MCNY, which was not what I wanted at all but I knew it was where I had to start; especially on such short notice. I decided to take business classes figuring these credits would be considered transferable, and also because liberal classes was not an option. Around October 2013, I got accepted to the 'DCP' and without hesitation I accepted my invitation. This would mean taking the spring semester off to move to Florida and work for the Walt Disney World Resort where I would also take two educational Disney courses. Many times, I have thought about how much further behind I would be into reaching my ultimate goal in getting into FIT, but I believe that this opportunity was given to me for a reason. I'm in no rush because I believe that everyone should stop to smell the roses once in a while as long as they do not lose sight of the big picture. My entire experience in Disney has challenged me and taught me so many things, not only about life, but about people, school, and my career. I've learned a lot about the art of efficiency and professionalism, which are two of Disney's most important values. Working with Disney has definitely put a major impact on my life, and no matter how hard it was, I am beyond grateful for having the opportunity. When I returned back home from Disney, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I strived to start a job in H&M, which is an amazing company. The main reason I wanted this job was because H&M believes in people, they believe in growth. This is definitely a company I plan to move up in once I graduate. Now, it has been two years since I graduated high school, and I am still considered a college freshman but I do not let this discourage me. Direction is much more important than speed and I will keep going until my vision becomes my reality.
I read the whole essay and, while you presented a type of work experience explanation within it, the whole essay does not really tell me why you are a perfect candidate for FIT. You tell us of your dreams and aspirations, even your hardships in life, but there is no development towards the reasons as to why FIT would benefit from having you as a student. What successes do you have in the fashion industry or those related to your chosen major that will make you stand out as a potential student candidate? Did you win any awards? Receive any recognitions? Watching Project Runway and dreaming of attending FIT, or even dreaming of being the next Chanel or Audrey Hepburn does not explain why FIT should consider your application seriously. How does the 2 courses you took at Disney relate to you FIT ambitions? You tried to get a job at H&M but obviously did not get it? The whole essay just not work as an application essay to FIT. It does not contain any information that shows your strengths in the fashion world, or potential to succeed. It is my belief that you need to revise the whole essay by indicating your successes or interests in life that directly relate to FIT as your potential school and depicts reasons that the admissions officers should consider you as a potential student next year. Right now, the essay is too weak and irrelevant to the prompt provided.
