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If you were to visit my Facebook page, you would find an odd number of photos, posted by others


sodugbesan 2 / 2  
Dec 30, 2014   #1
Prompt: Describe one of your quirks and why is it a part of you.

I haven't finished the essay yet, but I'm already over the word count...Suggestions? and what do you think about the essay in general?

feel free to edit/revise


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If you were to visit my Facebook page, you would find an odd number of photos, posted by others, featuring me, on the floor. Most people would find these pictures quite strange, but those who are familiar with me, even slightly, know that the floor is a place that one can often find me. Sitting, kneeling, or lying down on the floor, I can find my comfort zone any place I go, because "the floor" is universal; the ground is everywhere. Clumsiness has always been a major component of my life. As a child, I experienced growth spurts far earlier that any of my peers. Consistently twelve inches taller than my friends, I felt stuck (fixed?) in a perpetual state of gawkiness and awkwardness. As a result, I fell. A lot. Up the stairs, down the stairs, standing up, sitting down, entering a room, leaving a room, I found myself on the ground more often than not. I constantly felt embarrassed and insecure. If people were not laughing at my misfortune audibly, I assumed they must have been laughing internally. As I grew older, my peers caught up to my height-wise, yet my clumsiness did not dissipate. Thus, I made a decision. If I was bound to end up on the floor regardless, why not put myself there (?) willingly? So I began to find the floor in a reaction to any type of emotion; anger, excitement, disappointment, boredom. Eventually, the ground became a comfort zone and a place I went to involuntarily.
noemiq 2 / 5 1  
Dec 31, 2014   #2
I LOVE the tone of your essay!
It is funny and it attracts the reader. Your first sentence is particularly appealing. However, realizing you need to cut down on words I would suggest cutting the line: "Clumsiness has always been a major component of my life. " This statement can be deciphered with the rest of your essay. Also, you tend to make a lot of lists, if it comes to it, consider shortening the lists from 3 words to one or two words. For instance, when you state that you "felt stuck a perpetual state of gawkiness and awkwardness," you can easily use only one of those words (gawkiness or awkwardness) and have the same impression on the reader. Finally, "Stuck" sounds more natural with the colloquial and humorous tone of your essay.

Oh, I also found a couple of typos:

"far earlier that than any of my peers"

"my peers caught up to my me height-wise"

I hope this helps!


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