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'visit to Victoria hospital' - ucas medical personal statement

l3goals12 7 / 18  
Oct 5, 2009   #1
As a kid I had asthma and because of my condition I had to pay regular visits to my paediatrician. It awed me how much better I felt after having consulted a man who was otherwise a complete stranger to me. From that very early age I felt admiration for medical practitioners and whished to resemble them so that one day when people turned to me for help I would be able to provide it just as my paediatrician had provided it for me.

During my visit to Victoria hospital I have had the opportunity to discuss with some doctors of their work and gain an insight in their daily life. While I was there I witnessed how NMR and MRI machines can help cure cancer. This piqued my interest in medicine because up till then I had not fully grasped how intricate and complex the medical field could be. It awes me to see how technology such as computed tomography can be allied to the deft hands of a physician to remove a tumour in a sensible region as the brain. Since then I've started to pay more attention to breakthroughs in medical field particularly in high-tech medicine such as stratified medicine and stem cell treatments. These techniques are still in an embryonic stage and I look forward to a career which will allow me to follow and contribute to their development for a better delivery of medical treatment.

Before making my move in a chess game I always consider all options available and strive hard to choose the best one. It is with this kind of dedication that I intend to practice my profession for having made a brief spell in clinic after I suffered from acute respiratory diseases due to adverse effect to primperan I know that a mistake whether intentional or not can have chilling effects when it comes to a medical profession.

I have suffered a number of setbacks during my preparation of my 4A levels. There were times when I could not cope with the workload or the speed with which some chapters were discussed. However I've never let my head down and each time I had the sensation that I was lagging behind the rest of the class I redoubled my efforts to bring myself back on level terms with my friends. My perseverance has allowed me to spend all my seven years in secondary school in the best class and I am certain that I can repeat this performance at university level.

For the last couple of years I have been babysitting the twins of my neighbours. This made me confident in shouldering more responsibilities besides developing an emphatic understanding of children. While I do have a lot of affection for them I never hesitate to scold them when they misbehave, which is usually the case, and I think it shows a lot of emotional maturity from my part. As voluntary work I helped Rotary club to raise funds and collect food for destitute families in the district of Flacq, during the weeks preceding Christmas. It was a rewarding thought to know that I had contributed to make their Christmas a worthwhile celebration.

Being a brown belt holder in Ju-jitsu I have learnt to be disciplined, to respect people despite differences which we resolved in the ring and to collaborate with my sparring partners to set up gala fights. Moreover I had to do a lot of teamwork to see through several science competitions in which I participated during my school years: all of which have helped me to develop my communication skills and leadership qualities. While at school I have also participated in various club activities; athletics club, chess club, green society club just to name a few which I particularly have at heart.

My aspiration to a medical career is motivated not only by a strong desire to help others but also by a conviction that it will fulfil my prospects in life and no matter how hard the road ahead of me will be the rewards reaped far exceed the self-sacrifice required.

Bring on the criticism...any advice is also welcome. XD
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 6, 2009   #2
It awes me to see how

You already used a similar phrase in your first paragraph. Try not to repeat things like this too close together.

in a sensible region as the brain

I don't think "sensible" is the right word here . . .

I have suffered a number of setbacks during my preparation of my 4A levels. ...

This paragraph is unnecessary, as your transcript should tell the admissions officers most of this anyway. Also, shorter statements are better than longer ones, given how many they have to plow through.

Hmmmm . . . I see. The rest of your paragraphs are also pretty much irrelevant to your application, and read like a summary of your resume. I'm guessing you probably listed most of this elsewhere on your application, but even if you didn't, none of it really has any bearing on your ability to be a good medical student. I'd replace the second half of your essay with a discussion of what you hope to accomplish in the medical field.

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