so this is my really rough draft for the college essay question, but i'd love for anybody to critique it! so pleaseee help!
I walked across the cracked pavement up to the tall white building holding only Jane Eyre in my hand. I entered and led myself directly to his room. He smiled as he saw me and we sat down and began to read. After months of contemplating the thousands of influential people and debatable concepts I could write about, it came to me. I grabbed a pen and a blank piece of paper and my hand began to flow. He smiled when I wrote about the independence I now had, and my new founds hopes.
It was a cold day in October, before the snow had fallen but after the bright leaves had all disappeared. I dragged my feet across the cracked pavement and opened the door to the tall white building with a sigh. "What can I do for you?" the(woooord) receptionist asked. I told her I was there to read to the elderly, "I believe my dad called the nursing home last week?", she nodded. I made my way to the visiting area where several patients were lined up in wheel chairs waiting. After I finished reading I began my way back down the gloomy hallway when I saw someone that caught my attention. I must have caught his too because he told me to come over. He asked me what I was doing in the nursing home, and when I told him I was a volunteer reader, he handed me Jane Eyre. We spent hours reading in that small hospital room until an announcement came on saying that visiting hours were now over. Before I left, he asked me if I wondered why he was in there, only being in his mid-30's, I was curious. Cerebral palsy, he explained, a physical impairment that effects the way his muscles perform. Weeks and weeks flew by like the pages of the book. I learned more about his physical impairment and the ways he has learned to live with it. The time I spent there made me feel that my teenage life, wasn't so stressful after all. We read, watched movies and even painted pictures together. I watched as he put aside his disability to continue with his life.
The blank white piece of paper was now filled with words explaining our time together. "Visiting hours are now over" we heard the announcement say. We both smiled as I put away the piece of paper and said our goodbyes. I opened the door to the tall white building and walked across the cracked with a new sense of accomplishment.
I like how you don't clarify who he is until later, it gives a sense of mystery and i think that was really nicely done. but the tenses makes the reading a bit confusing, i think you should put the writing the memory part in present tense so as not to confuse the reader. I didn't get to check any grammer yet, but I love your essay. You gradually pull the readers into your memory. really nicely done!
