'I can vividly envision myself on campus' - Peddie

Why is Peddie the right school for you? (1500 characters)

Peddie has been noted for its rigorous academics, a multitude of extracurricular activities, and their beautiful campus over the years. I believe that Peddie is the right school for me, because it contains the correct amount of academic challenge mixed with an abundance of extracurricular opportunities. With new technology and supporting classmates, my academic level and my social intelligence will inevitably skyrocket.

During my middle school years, I have noticed certain imperfections in my school, like low academic levels, and few extracurricular opportunities. At Peddie, I have been informed of their challenging curriculum and their helpful staff. This will definitely help me to reach my academic and extracurricular goals. I have also been told that Peddie offers one of the most extensive extracurricular clubs and teams. This is something that I crave, but my current school does not offer at the moment.

I know that Peddie is the right school for me, because I can vividly envision myself on campus, blending in with the community, and striving to achieve my goals. I think that Peddie is a well-balanced society, because you can study and be involved in extracurricular activities simultaneously. Peddie provides exactly what I seek in a good school. All of these reasons have led me to conclude that Peddie is the best school for me.

Please fix grammar and anything that is wrong or does not fit, I will return favor ASAP.

Hey I'd love to edit this but i'm on a time crunch! I still need to write one more essay!
But i read it, and i really liked it. The only problem is you keep saying Peddie is the right school, its a good school way toooo much. Don't repeat and use something else or omit it all together.

Help me my Emory essay please?

it contains the right amount of academic challenge

limited extracurricular opportunities

And yes, try not to keep saying that it is the right school and the best school for you. I would also suggest doing a little more research, into how exactly the school will help you (special programs, facilities, etc.) and how you will blend in with the community (give some names of clubs you wanna join)

Good luck with your application!

Thank you guys and girls, I have revised all of your essays.
This thread will be open until tomorrow at 10:00 PM EST. That is when I have to submit my essays

Any more help is appreciated, I will return the favor:)

It will be easier to edit ur essay, if u post your latest version in the forum..

You say that Peddie will help you achieve your acedemic and extracirricular goals a lot. Instead of simply stating that Peddi will help you achieve your goals, write about what goals you want to set for yourself and exactly what programs or activities Peddie has to offer that will help you achieve these goals. I think that will make you stand out a lot more, because when you write about something you are passionate about that the school has to offer, the admissions people know that you will take advantage of the resources.

Grammatically, the essay seems fine. But I think it would be better if you did not keep on repeating a few points again and again. For example, you mentioned about their extracurricular activities too many times, and most of the time, it comes back round to mean the same thing. When you're discussing extracurricular activities, complete your discussion about extra-curricular activities completely and then move to another thing you want to say. Maybe you can take a look at the campus map and say: "I like [this particular thing]" or something like that to increase your character count.

Best of luck.

I think this version is much better, mostly because it has a lot of details.
I like it.

Thank you bluec and Athena, I will take you advice into consideration