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"vocal lessons at The Westminster Choir Conservatory" - NYU supplement


dizzydaydreams 5 / 26  
Dec 22, 2009   #1
Hi I'm just having some trouble...does this sound good?
In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.

After taking vocal lessons at The Westminster Choir Conservatory, I returned home to the tropics of Kauai. I spent the remainder of my vacation living life; seizing every precious moment with vigor and zeal. I laughed until I cried and explored until I bruised. I conquered fears and braved the unknown. I danced to the melody of the beaming sun, the gleaming ocean, and the twinkling stars. I danced to the harmony of laughter and tears. Surrounded by fond kinship, I danced to the symphony of life.

ANY and ALL suggestions are greatly appreciated!!
Thanks so much!
snorlaxative 4 / 17  
Dec 23, 2009   #2
Try talking a little more about the conservatory? I know the character limit is a real pain
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 25, 2009   #3
I spent the remainder of my vacation living life; seizing every precious moment with vigor and zeal.

I laughed until I cried and explored until I bruised. ---> good sentence!!

I conquered fears and braved the unknown. I danced to the melodies of the beaming sun, the gleaming ocean, and the twinkling stars. I danced to the harmony of laughter and tears. Surrounded by fond kinship, I danced to the symphony of life.

This is great. Your writing is powerful...


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