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THIS IS MY VOICE. i need your opinions. (tufts essay)


yikescollege 4 / 8  
Jan 4, 2010   #1
What could make it better? How are the mechanics? Any awkward phrases?
help me out! i'll return the favor.
__________________________________________________________________

I am a great thrifter.



Every Wednesday after school I trek to Salvation Army to catch the weekly 'half-off' sale.

Greeted by the musty smell of old clothes and the warm, singing 'hellos' of the volunteering ladies from the back of the store, I have reached my sanctuary.

I love the feeling of accomplishment after buying a great dress for $4 when the retail price was $400. I love when I bring friends who scoff and laugh at a "weird" purchase, only to swoon over the item after I appoint and accessorize it into the perfect ensemble. I love having an eye, giving things a chance, and having faith in something that others may think is old, ugly or useless.


Tufts Class of 2014, nice to meet you. I am the voice of optimism and innovation. I am the one to say: "It may seem hopeless but, there is potential here! We could create an online vintage store, sell these items, advertise them with her great prose and his stellar photography then give the profit to charities in Sierra Leone and Medford.


I am the girl who buys your grandma's clothes and wins 'Best Dressed' while wearing them.

I am Tori Amos*: thrifter extraordinaire.

__________________________________________________________________

I'd rather not share my real name on here. *

Kayla89 1 / 2  
Jan 4, 2010   #2
I like it! I didn't think there was much to change but I did notice

I am the one to say: "It may seem hopeless but, there is potential here! We could create an online vintage store, sell these items, advertise them with her great prose and his stellar photography then give the profit to charities in Sierra Leone and Medford.

Where does the quotation end?
rapoch 9 / 28  
Jan 4, 2010   #3
Pretty creative and original! Nice job! I just don't like one thing. You focus on yourself, which is good and then qickly mention your 'community service' side with the "then give the profit to charities in Sierra Leone and Medford". It sounds a bit fake, I don't know. If you are giving this humanitarian twist, try to elaborate a little bit more in your essat somewhere before so it doesn't look like you crammed it in their just to show you are a charitable thrifter.

Other than that, nice job! COngrats!
COuld you please take a look at my essay? Thx! :)
OP yikescollege 4 / 8  
Jan 4, 2010   #4
the reason i threw it in was because the charity in sierra leone (my parents home country) is actually something i am starting up and have included in my application

for the "he" and "her" thing i wanted to allude to the fact that i motivate ppl to achieve common goals...another running theme in my app. i think i will take away the medford.


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