FEEL FREE TO MASSACRE MY ESSAY, THANKS :)
We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you. (100 word limit)
One same goal brought an extraordinary group of people together: to have our voices heard. Model United Nations is where I can pursue innovative solutions to world problems by challenging and supporting other delegates. We take sides, we destroy alliances, we make coalitions; but to work efficiently and agree on resolution, a balance between teamwork and leadership is necessary. Given the opportunity to express my ideas and let my opinion be heard, I grew more confident and became a better leader. I can truthfully say Model UN is much more than just debate, it is understanding that reason doesn't shout, it convinces. 102/100
I know it's a short word count but maybe try to talk about why model UN made you who you are today, what makes it so special compared to any other group. Talk a little more about you and Model UN, then what UN is.
I think you should make an attempt to make your essay more personal. While you do offer unique and valuable insight on why it is really meaningful for you.
Karla bring up a good point Elani. You have spent too much time detailing the intricacies and activities of the Model U.N. that you forgot to represent the most important aspect of the prompt, that of explaining how and why this activity is important to you and how it helped shape the person you have become today.
If you stop discussing the essay in general terms as you are doing now and instead word it so that you can make it appear as the contribution of the activity to your development as a person, the important of the organization and how it helped shaped you will be merged into one declaration on your part. This will eliminate the need for you to come up with a longer statement and help you stay within the word count.
Thank you very much for your comments and feedback, I will continue to work on talking about why model UN made me who I are today, what makes it so special compared to any other group. You are all very helpful, so thank's again :)
