write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
My personal academic journey has been loaded with volunteer experiences that have shaped my outlook on life and my appreciation for the blessings that I have received. I have been able to discover a positive outcome not only in the organizations and individuals I have helped, but also in myself. Of all of these enlightening occurrences, volunteering with the Space Coast Early Intervention Center has been the most influential on my future goals, dreams, and aspirations.
I had spent three years volunteering at an organization that offered little opportunity to grow as person and develop vital skills that would allow me to be successful in life. Following this realization, I immediately made plans to donate my time to a positive program where I could make an impact on the community and those around me. After some brief research I found that the Space Coast Intervention Center was the most suitable volunteer opportunity for my interests and future goals.
The Intervention center is a local, non-profit pre-school that caters to the needs of young children with disabilities. The curriculum uses an innovative and aggressive approach of placing students with medical disabilities such as Attention Deficit Disorder and Autism into classrooms with children who are meeting the development standards for their age bracket. This appealed to me because I always had aspirations of becoming a pediatric physician and I wanted to use this experience as a chance to determine my true desire to care for the health of young children.
On the first day that I was scheduled to volunteer with the children I was nervous about the children's reaction to my presence in the classroom but after a brief introduction, the children were very open and excited to interact with me. On the first day it had become apparent to me that the children had no social divide of themselves regarding disabilities and I was deeply inspired. In groups I would engage in educational and entertaining activities such as art, reading, and recreational time. It was these times that I believe I was able to make a lasting impact on these children through instruction, acts of kindness, and providing a positive example of a role model. The most touching experience that I had while volunteering with the group was aiding a young autistic girl with an art project. This experience was special to me because it evoked the wonder of how the brain works and why this young girl developed at a different pace than other humans.
This experience as a whole was inspirational and allowed me to gain valuable skills such as leadership and responsibility, and also allowed me to gain insight on my career path. I know these skills and lessons that I have gained from this volunteer experience will allow me to be a leader on campus, provide a positive impact on the students I'm around, and focus on my dream of becoming a neurologist.
ah great essay. I think you have a good chance getting in, and I hope your studies in pre-med go great. This gives insight as to how a UF essay really should be talking about how to get involved in the campus as well.
I don't think "discover" is the best word to use in that first part... How about... achieve.
missing a word here:
...to grow as person...
to grow as a person and develop vital skills...
The Intervention center Center is a...
Always try to find ways to omit unhelpful words and phrases:
On the first day, that I was scheduled to volunteer with the children I was nervous about the...
Great stuff, great stuff. You write well!!
Yo, Jordan,
So you wanted to be a pediatrician and now you want to be a neurologist? Did the experience at the Center have anything to do with the change?
The writers at college-admission-essay-help.com selected your essay for a free editor review.
Here are the revisions and comments of the editor:
Although I've done a lot of volunteer work, I learned the most from volunteering at the Space Coast Early Intervention Center (SCEIC). The Intervention Center is a non-profit pre-school that caters to young children with disabilities. The school places students with medical disabilities, such as Attention Deficit Disorder and Autism, in classrooms with children who are meeting the developmental standards for their age. Volunteering at the SCEIC appealed to me because I aspire to be a pediatrician.
On the first day, I was nervous. However, the children welcomed me. The children learned together and helped one another without seeing one another as different or disabled. I helped students do art, learn to read, and play games. The most memorable experience was working with a young autistic girl do an art project [paint a picture, do a collage, etc.; be specific.] . I remember her because she [say something specific that reveals the wonder of this girl's thinking.]
The experience has helped me see how blessed I am to have the time and talent to volunteer. It has also helped me appreciate the contributions that every person makes to the community that he or she belongs to.
As a result, I have [explain how it confirmed or refined your interest in pediatrics] . I expect to take part in service projects and volunteer opportunities at University of Florida as I complete a pre-med major.
The following changes helped to improve this college admissions essay:
- Use active voice.
- Be specific. Instead of "positive outcome," tell about the outcome and why it was so good.
- Avoid redundancy, especially when the prompt asks you to be concise. "Goals, dreams, and aspirations" are roughly the same thing.
- Don't write negative things about another organization or college. Rightly or wrongly, this can indicate to the reader that you don't take personal responsibility.
- Punctuation errors, however minor, affect the way the reader sees you. Have someone with a good knowledge of the conventions of written English proofread your essay.
