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'a volunteer work in a village' - williams college supplement


m45over 6 / 12  
Dec 27, 2011   #1
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are

seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.
My essay is above the world limit.I want suggestions on what i can exclude

I took up a volunteer work in a village located in war-torn Northern Congo. Ethnic feuds were prevalent in Northern Congo and the village in which I worked was previously war-torn.

I walked to the window of the hut in which we were staying and I gazed at the blue sky and the white clouds that hanged in a distance. Down the blue sky was a lonely beach that has blue and crystal water. The grains of sand at the beach were extremely thin and they burned after being exposed to the sun for a long time. Where the sand ended, there was a little jungle full of trees, flowers and palms and when I looked at the landscape carefully, it appeared green with dots of all colors you could ever imagine, which were flowers.

Also, there were series of high lands on the extreme right of the village. The highlands formed a gentle undulating plateau with deeply incised, heavily wooded valleys. The valleys appear heavily wooded due to the enclosure of smaller fields by hedgerows and the presence of riverside trees and copses. Much of the plateau is under arable construction with large fields separated by dry stonewalls. Most village buildings are constructed from the "traditional" stone, which ensures that the village blends well with the landscape.

Dwelling on the right side is a lonely tree rooted in a rock, which juts out of the land. The tree looks really old and dry. Some of the branches are broken and its trunk is twisted. There are soot marks along the trunk of the tree suggesting that it was once hit by lightening.

I contemplated on the adverse effect of war. Wherein lies the progress for the people who do not see themselves as one people? But the green and lively nature of the landscape gave me a strong sense of hope that there lies progress for war torn Northern Congo. Interaction between the different aspects of the landscape to give the landscape its grandiose look revealed to me that there can only be progress in Northern -Congo and Congo as a whole only if we work together, think together and inspire one another towards yonder hope.
Alikap 6 / 15  
Dec 27, 2011   #2
I walked to the window of the hut in which we were staying and I gazed at the blue sky and white clouds that hanged in a distance. hung in the distance

Down the blue sky was a lonely beach that has blue, crystal clear water

it appeared green with dots of all colors you could ever imagine every color imaginable:flowers.

there were series of high lands on the extreme right of the village

That's just a few of the grammar mistakes; you have quite a few more dealing with tenses but hopefully if you read it aloud you will catch those. You used good imagery but I would consider taking out a bit of the excessive detail and adding more about why that place is important to you. Good luck!
armanigates - / 5  
Dec 27, 2011   #3
I liked it but this is kind of a clique.


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