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I volunteered at a hospital; Common App /Significant Accomplishment


shuky55 1 / -  
Dec 18, 2012   #1
One of my most important accomplishments emerged while I volunteered at a hospital. I earned a hundred hour certificate and an honorary pin for my time. My passion for community service and healthcare has led to my desire to become a nurse. My commitment to community service played a key role for my aspiration in nursing.

I started volunteering my sophomore year of high school, at the age of fifteen. I had a major interest in the healthcare field but I wasn't certain of which career in the healthcare field. My experiences in the emergency room led me to my decision. My first day was frightening; I started in the emergency room. When I had arrived I was greeted by a nurse that said "You must be a new volunteer, let me show you around." My assumptions of the emergency room quickly changed as the nurse showed me around, there was a main desk with huge monitors, a waiting area, an abundance of nurses at hand but not too many physicians, lastly many locked doors with special codes needed in order to enter. I was intrigued my first time in the emergency room. I was around a wide range of individuals including doctors, nurses, nursing assistants, physician assistants, and patients. My principal duties were to sterilize patient's beds, clear laundry bins, and interact with patients. By the time I knew it I saw a real emergency taking place, the paramedics brought in a female suffering from a heart attack, I was astonished by how fast everything was going as I stood there watching I was hoping she would be fine. Witnessing the team of nurses' aid to the female so carefully and vigorously during and after the situation was a pivotal moment for me; right there and then I knew nursing was the career choice for me in the medical field. I wanted to make a difference in someone's life just like the nurses did with the patient suffering from a heart attack. Nurses are compassionate individuals who provide a sense of comfort and care something I am eager to provide as a future nurse. After that day, I wanted to keep coming and watch the nurses closely, I came every Saturday and learned a lot throughout my two years of volunteering and I still enjoy working in the emergency room with the nurses, I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to observe what the nurses accomplish on a daily basis that's why I admire them and hope to be just like them in the future as I strive for my own degree in nursing.

Another significant accomplishment transpired when I was part of a health career club called mercy medical explorers in my high school. I decided to take a leadership role my junior year, in order to be considered I had to write an essay and go against two others to get the position, because of my involvement with the club since freshman year and volunteering I earned the position of vice president. I was excited to be vice president of a health career club because the club relates to my career. As vice president I had to make sure I attended every meeting, talk to the club about upcoming events and set up students with volunteer opportunities.

Earning a hundred hour certificate and pin and being vice president of a health career club are stepping stones for my desire to become a nurse.

Grammar/ Mechanics
Word count is 575 how should I reduce it?
Is it a good essay or not/ All critism is accepeted and taking with much appreciation thanks!
SAChedal 1 / 2  
Dec 21, 2012   #2
I would consider deleting this sentence I earned a hundred hour certificate and an honorary pin for my time. As it really doesn't fit well in the introductory sentences. If you really need it in there , try moving it somewhere more in the middle , and say something like I really enjoyed working at the hospital , I spent over 100 hours volunteering there and even earned an honorary pin for helping Good Luck!


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