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'I volunteered one afternoon' - MIT ESSAY


Ali Poonja 3 / 4  
Dec 25, 2011   #1
HARSH feedback and any feedback is totally fine!!!!

Prompt: Question 5: Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

I volunteered one afternoon a week with a seven year old boy named Josh, helping him with his water therapy sessions. Josh is blind and mute with limited mental and physical capacities. I had expected that I would only have to be in the water with Josh, and the rest would be taken care of by the staff of the school. Instead, my responsibility included taking Josh to the changing room, helping him to get dressed, taking him into the water and helping him get onto the bus. None of my many previous experiences working with children had prepared me for this experience.

Key challenges included building trust and making Josh feel comfortable with me. In the beginning, half the time was spent trying to get Josh to be comfortable so the therapy could start. This was a lesson in patience for me. This volunteer experience was difficult but I didn't give up. I learned that Josh liked apple juice and he loved to be tickled and to laugh. I treated him to apple juice after the session and tickled him while we were in the pool. I worked hard at breaking the barrier between Josh and me and to gain his trust. Sometimes, anxiety flare-ups occurred sometimes and he would scream and sometimes hit himself on his head. I learnt that when difficult situations arise, it is important to remain patient and committed.

Recently, I met Josh in an event where I was volunteering. I went to meet him and he immediately cheered up recognizing my voice. That evening he was under my supervision. The connection between us was there and I was very pleased that he felt it, too.

Words 262
selloway 1 / 5  
Dec 25, 2011   #2
At the opening of the essay, supply a time-frame as to when this occurred. (eg "During my sophomore year, I volunteered one afternoon a week...")

[...taken care of by the staff of the school.] --> ...taken care of by the staff at the school.
[Instead, my responsibility included taking Josh to the changing room, helping him to get dressed, taking him into the water and helping him get onto the bus] --> Instead, my responsibilities included taking Josh to the changing room, taking him into the water, and helping him get dressed and onto the bus

[None of my many previous experiences working with children had prepared me for this experience.] --> None of my previous involvement with children had prepared me for this experience.

[In the beginning, half the time was spent trying to get Josh to be comfortable so the therapy could start.] --> When I started volunteering, half of my time was spent just getting Josh comfortable enough for the therapy to start.

[This volunteer experience was difficult but I didn't give up.] --> This volunteer experience was difficult, but I didn't give up.
[I learned that Josh liked apple juice and he loved to be tickled and to laugh.] --> I learned that Josh liked apple juice and that he loved to be tickled and laugh.

[I worked hard at breaking the barrier between Josh and me and to gain his trust.] --> I worked hard to break the barrier between Josh and I to gain his trust.

[Sometimes, anxiety flare-ups occurred sometimes and he would scream and sometimes hit himself on his head.] --> Sometimes, anxiety flare-ups would occur and he would scream and hit himself on the head.

[I learnt that...] --> I learned that...
[Recently, I met Josh in an event where I was volunteering. I went to meet him and he immediately cheered up recognizing my voice.] --> Recently, I saw Josh at an event for which I was volunteering. When I went to greet him, he recognized my voice and immediately cheered up.

[The connection between us was there and I was very pleased that he felt it, too.] --> The connection we had formed previously was there and I was very pleased that he felt it too.

*If you have any questions, just ask!


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