Well, I think you did answer the question, but you shouldn't just tell them.
Working full time taught me how to become organized, responsible and independent
Like, you shouldn't just say that you learnt these things,
show them how working full time taught you these.
I think the content's great, but you should make it more descriptive, create a story, not just a list of things you did.
So, wish you all the best! :D
I could really use help on my essay too:)