Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


my volunteering at AISforEGYPT, response, an extracurricular activity/work experience


sabs 5 / 8  
Sep 26, 2010   #1
>>Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).<<

It was March 20, 2008 during my junior year at The American International School in Cairo when I became inspired. For a month students spoke about how life-changing AISforEGYPT is and so I decided to join. With support from faculty and other students AISforEgypt was organizing a huge full day event for 200 children. Weeks of painstaking work made seconds seem like hours, but that payed off at the end. Full meals and presents along with entertainment were part of the day's schedule. With a workforce of 80 volunteers from five different schools everything was going as planned.

After breakfast we all introduced our selfs and made groups. I met Hossam, a 12 year old boy who works in a farm everyday to help provide for his single mother and younger sister. As we danced to his favorite Egyptian singers and played many games Hossam and I bonded even more. Hours seamed like seconds as lunch came closer. During lunch Hossam looked at his plate and couldn't believe his eyes. I was shocked to learn that it was his first time to eat meat. As the day came to an end we became more attached, I felt like he was my younger brother. To this day, every year Hossam and I meet and catch up on stories and enjoy a day like that time we first met.

I continued to participate more in clubs that helped my community and during that process met many young children that inspire me more and more to continue my volunteering at AISforEGYPT. One day is all it takes to change someone's life and be enlightened by those you meet. I am more thankful now about my life and until this day I am inspired everyday by the life of many children like Hossam.

*I have wrote a response to the statement above, however, I need help with making this paper 150 words or fewer along with some final touches to polish this piece for admissions.
keeny77 2 / 8  
Sep 26, 2010   #2
Great subject matter. The ending becomes slightly vague; maybe name the other clubs you are involved with. It's powerful enough to cut off the entire last paragraph, if you are struggling with space limits. I think the greatest improvement would just be some editing.
OP sabs 5 / 8  
Sep 26, 2010   #3
Katherine thank you very much your work has transformed this into a more catchy piece.. thanx
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 29, 2010   #4
hyphen
12 year-old

One day is all it takes to change someone's life and be enlightened by those you meet. ---- great sentence!!

I am more thankful now about my life and until this day I am inspired everyday by the life of many children like Hossam. not a good sentence. I think it is better to let it end with that great sentence that precedes this one!

:-)


Home / Undergraduate / my volunteering at AISforEGYPT, response, an extracurricular activity/work experience
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳