I am about halfway done with my essay and i would appreciate some feedback as to what i should change grammatically or conceptually. Am i on the right track or should i start again?
I want to talk about how i am a well rounded person/student because i have all of these on my resume:
- strong academics
- extensive volunteering
- school clubs
- school sports
- summer job
Are there any of these topics that you feel i should leave out or not spend too much time talking about or, on the contrary, topics that you feel i should explore deeper?
ESSAY PROMPT:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.
It is simply astonishing that I have arrived so quickly at the beginning of a journey through which I will pursue a higher education. For years, I have been reminded incessantly that being well rounded is the ideal way to gain admission into the college of my choice. "The goal is to show the college how they will benefit by accepting you into their school," my Aunt would preach to me. But what exactly did being "well rounded" mean? Unsure of my expectations, I undertook the challenge to fulfill an image of versatility with audacity and confidence.
Throughout my entire life, my academic performance has been an aspect of immense significance. Always knowing that doing exceptionally well in school would lead to success in the future, I have allowed determination and perseverance to guide me through high school. In addition to maintaining a high grade point average and making the Honor Roll at my school each year, I decided to get involved in the community. I made this decision because I felt that volunteering would be an emotionally rewarding experience. One by one, I joined every volunteer organization that I could find. By the time my schedule had been completely saturated with community service, I had served at the library, Youth Council, Rescue Squad, Summer Academy, and High School. Out of all the experiences that I have had with these various programs, I believe that I benefited most from volunteering at the East Brunswick Rescue Squad. Not only forcing me to be adept in performing CPR and basic first aid procedures, being a member of the squad has made me part of a family of people who admirably put their own lives at risk in order to save those in need.
Remember, this essay is in the preliminary stages of development at this point. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
