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Volunteering; OLD DOMINION UNIVERSITY/ACTIVITIES, ACHIEVEMENTS


UNIEQUIDREAMS07 1 / -  
Oct 10, 2013   #1
ESSAY TOPIC WAS TO WRITE ABOUT ALL OF YOUR ACTIVITIES, ACHIEVEMENTS IN YOUR HS CAREER.

I would begin with a basic intro saying my name and where I live, but I believe that isn't necessary. I will start with this, I love to do all kinds of extracurricular activities and all of the goodness you can get from it through out the day. I really benefited from all of the the these activities I did throughout high school.

I am have been in many activities throughout high school. It was a good learning experience from them all. I also matured from certain activities. In ninth grade I started volunteering at Chippenham Hospital as a volunteer as known as a candy stripper. I did many tasks for the nurses and doctors. That same summer I volunteered at St. Francis Home. I help the elderly play various games throughout the day and help them win prizes. Later on when school started back up I joined FBLA, Journalism, and Yearbook. I loved all of these programs and they helped me improve as a person. That same year I became Microsoft Word Certified. Junior year I took EMT class and got certified and CPR certified. I am also became a member in HOSA from my EMT class. I have all of the NIMS certifications. Also I got Powerpoint Certified that year.Senior year I am currently in Robotics and all of the other clubs stated before.

I work at Kroger as a cashier for almost a year in November. I received Honor Roll every nine week marking period since ninth grade.
ChristianB 5 / 22 1  
Oct 10, 2013   #2
I don't like the way you start your essay off; you way too direct, and it's not appealing or attention grabbing. Furthermore, your essay is too much of a list of your activities with nothing that engages your reader.

How many words do you have, and do you really have to write about all of your activities, or could you focus on one or two and how they have affected you?


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