Jennifer12 2 / 4 Nov 25, 2011 #1I have countless events in my life that changed me significantly. Several was for the best, and several was for the worsts. There was one event that made an enormous impacted on my life. This event occurred last summer; when I got accepted to Ole Miss Apex Leadership Program. I was so amaze.When I received my acceptive letter in the mail, I knew all of my hard work and dedication had finally payed off. I was the only student from my school to get accepted, and there were few others that hadapplied. I was so proud of myself.The first day I arrived at Ole Miss I met so many wonderful people. I said to myself, "This the Universtity for me." This experience took me out of my comfort zone. I was getting involved in things that I never imagined I would ever get involved in, such as, scabbing (What is scabbing hunting?) hunting, dancing, and getting involved in obstacle courses. I enjoyed every minute of these experiences.The one thing I enjoyed most was when I was given the opportunity to volunteer at Oxford Veterans Nursey Home. I felt so warm inside. Knowing how I was brightening up those people lives, who hadhelp fought for my country just by sitting and talking with them was a phenomenal experience.In all honesty, this essay needs serious work. I'm not sure what you're doing with this essay--if you're using it for another college, it doesn't really make sense to talk about how you were accepted to another school. More importantly, you need to come up with something that ties it all together. This essay seems like a collection of anecdotes that doesn't really come together into a coherent story.
aerielm 6 / 14 Nov 25, 2011 #3I feel like you need to add something more, like metaphors or more in depth creative writing. Just add a little spice and make it more personable so the reader really knows how you feel. Elaborate on somethings as well, but overall its pretty decent besides some of the grammatical errors which I think the last guy pretty much covered.
