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I had vowed myself to win the PUZZLE; UC

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Nov 23, 2013   #1
I'm afraid I'm a bit off topic.

Puzzle. A game that makes you ponders over again and again; A magic that can turn incoherent fragments into a complete and insightful picture; and one of my all-time favorites.

It's not the game that I enjoyed, but the essence of it. The taste of victory and accomplishment when you deciphered a complicated puzzle is simply, irreplaceable. The feeling of completing a puzzle that is deemed impossible to be so satisfying that I devoted myself to it.

My mother always tells me that the world is in the puzzle. The key to truly embrace the world as it is, is to solve the puzzle: to examine the shapes and roles of each fragment, to organize them into their rightful places, to bind them at will.

Completing the puzzle would impact on me with a whole new dimension of perspectives, but playing the puzzle is what I would call an accomplishment: to taste the essence of revelation within the bubbled, obscured world.

If each puzzle is a vault bridged to a brand new dimension, then all I am waiting for is a chance for me to refabricate the Universe, my own universe at least, through the door of non-measurable depth of knowledge. To breakthrough, to excel, to conquer the ultramontanes that was once deemed impossible to climb. I fight since the day of my birth. A fight to define myself; a fight for dignity; a fight to make myself who I am.

When I was small, my world is full of boundaries, boundaries that my physical body won't allow me trespass despite my urge to. I was born with asthma. I always dream to run and climb around the playground like other kids do, but no. Whenever I tried to do even mild exercises, my trachea will constrict, choking myself; my lungs will screech in complain of the insufficient air I had inhaled; my chest will be so stressful that it feels like thousands of weights resting on it. Every time when asthma strikes, it feels like I'm one step closer to death, so close that I can see death's shadow casting over my wretched life. Deep in my heart, I know I cannot live my life in such a manner. I must conquer the symptoms of asthma. I started to pick up intensive fitness trainings, despite how unbearable they are, how "breathtaking" they are. Skirmish by skirmish, I push asthma back into the very depth of my heart; I embolden myself; I fought against the odds and paved my way to the glorious victory. Six years after I started the brawl with asthma, I got into the Hong Kong Youth Hockey team. I altered myself from a child who is physically challenged to an elite sportsman who represents his homeland.

Some may call this a feat, but it's more like a responsibility to me, a duty to ameliorate myself, to make myself deserve a place in this cruel world. It's true that I'm not competent enough to solve everything head-on, but my creativity can unveil shortcuts to triumph; my determination can iron out the barriers on my track to victory; my perseverance can earn me a way to success. And winning the conquest of the "puzzles" is what I had vowed to myself.

Thanks so much :)

admission2012 - / 481 90  
Nov 23, 2013   #2
What on Earth???

I had absolutely no idea what you were trying to say in the beginning of this essay. I had to force myself to read it through to the end before I finally saw a glimmer of hope here. Basically you attempt to be overly philosophical and fail. Just write a straight forward essay. Talk about how you overcame the limitations of having asthma. Talk about this in the very first paragraph and take the reader step by step on how you accomplished this via determination and hard work. The whole chatter about puzzles is useless and only will distract from the real content of this essay. - Admissions Advice Online

Hope this helps

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